Good year Jokes - page 16

Jewish, Religious

A Jewish Mother’s Day Joke

Three Jewish immigrant brothers named Moshe, Aaron and Daniel, had a dinner reunion to celebrate their fifteen years stay in America. Since Mother’s Day was just around the corner, they were discussing the gifts they would be giving their Momma back home in Israel. Moshe the eldest brother said, “I had a mansion built in Jerusalem and Momma would be moving into it on Mother’s Day.” Aaron the middle brother said, “I bought a special edition Mercedes Benz for Momma…

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True Stories, Yo Mama

Funny from the Headlines

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked “intellectual leadership”. He received a $26 million severance package. With a Little Help from Our Friends! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up… …And What Was…

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Funny Stories

Moose Jaw

Two moose hunters from Texas are flown into a remote lake in Alaska. They have a good hunt, and both manage to get a large moose. When the plane returns to pick them up, the pilot looks at the animals and says, “This little plane won’t lift all of us, the equipment, and both of those animals – you’ll have to leave one. We’d never make it over the trees on the take off.” “That’s baloney”, says one of the…

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Man and Woman

What Men Really Mean

“I’m going fishing.” Really means… “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.” “Let’s take your car.” Really means…. “Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas.” “Woman driver.” Really means…. “Someone who doesn’t speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me.” “I don’t care what color you paint the kitchen.”…

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Religious

Watch Your Language!

After years of his wife’s pleading, the rich, good old boy finally went with her to her little local church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the preacher’s sermon that, on the way out, he stopped to shake his hand. He said, “Preacher, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!” The preacher replied, “Oh!! Why, thank you, Sir, but please, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t use profanity in the Lord’s house.” “I’m sorry, Reverend,…

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Funny Stories

A Few Random Thoughts

If foreign films are so good, how come they don’t make them in this country? Definition of an optimist: an accordian player with a beeper. Old age is when you tell a friend you’re having an affair and he says, “That’s wonderful! Who’s the caterer?” Part of the trouble with doing nothing in life is that you never know when you’re through. Tractor pulls were invented so professional wrestling fans would have someone to look down on. Opieology: a religion…

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Religious

Chinese Cook

Hop Sing was a cook on the Ponderosa Ranch. All the cowboys loved to poke fun at him because, being Chinese, he had a pigtail and wore a funny hat. He also couldn’t speak English very well. The cowboys used to put live snakes and frogs in his bed and pulled on his pigtail, just to tease him. Hop Sing, however, never complained and kept on working. He was a good sport. One day, the cowboys got together and said:…

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Yo Mama

Whole Lotta Yo Mama

SO BIG Yo mama’s so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step. Yo mama’s so big, her belly button’s got an echo. Yo mama’s so big, she can’t wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back. Yo mama’s so big, she rollerskates on busses. Yo mama’s so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers. Yo mama’s so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker. Yo mama’s so big, she uses bowling…

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Man and Woman

Between Us Girls . . .

For years and years they told me, “Be careful of your breasts. Don’t ever squeeze or bruise them And give them monthly tests.” So I heeded all their warnings And protected them by law. Guarded them very carefully And always wore a bra. After 40 years of careful care, The doctor found a lump. He ordered up a mammogram To look inside that clump. “Stand up very close,” she said, As she got my breast in line. “And tell me…

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Christian, Religious

Child’s Interpretation

A seven-year-old child was drawing a picture of the Nativity. The picture was very good and included Mary, Joseph and, of course, baby Jesus. However, there was a fat man standing in the corner of the stable that just did not seem to fit in. When the child was asked about it, she replied, “Oh, that’s Round John Virgin.”

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