Goo Jokes - page 73

A horse and a chicken became very good friends on a large South Dakota ranch. One day, the horse and the chicken went for a walk and all of a sudden the horse found himself stuck in a good size mud hole and could not free himself. So he told the chicken to run back to the barn and get the farmer because he was begining to sink. So the chicken ran back to the farm but could not find…

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A sultan is bored with all the jugglers and clowns, so he warns his servant, “Unless you find some good entertainment for me tonight, it’s off with your head!” The man is terrified, but he vows he will not fail. Day turns to night, and it’s time for the show. “Well what have you got for me?” the sultan booms. “Tonight, Sire,” squeaks the servant, “we have a man who will make love to a dozen women before your very…

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Harry Truman was known for his blunt manner of speaking. When he made a speech at the Washington Garden Club, he kept referring to the “good manure” that needed to be used on the flowers. Some society women complained to his wife, Bess. “Couldn’t you get the President to say ‘fertilizer’?” they asked. Mrs. Truman replied, “Heavens, no! It took me twenty-five years to get him to say ‘manure.’”

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Follow the instructions demonstrated in the dialogue shown, and YOU can get a free meal. No law-breaking is involved. This incident really happened…. Enter any eating establishment, which does NOT have a dining counter. Here’s how the conversation with the host/hostess MIGHT proceed: “I’d like to sit at the counter.” “I’m sorry, Sir, but we don’t have a counter.” “Yes you do.” “No, I’m sorry, but we do not.” “You have no counter at all, in this establishment?” “No Sir,…

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Listed below are overwhelming reasons that coffee is better than a woman: 1. A cup of coffee looks good in the morning. 2. You won’t get arrested for ordering coffee at 3 AM. 3. You won’t fall asleep after a cup of coffee. 4. You can always warm coffee up. 5. You can take black coffee home to your parents. 6. You can make coffee as sweet as you want. 7. You can smoke while drinking coffee. 8. Coffee smells…

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It has become pretty obvious to me that our present astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid of them. When I’m out driving around I’ll see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose I’ll even see a ram. Up the street from me there’s some twins, but I don’t see them much. The rest of these things are just too obscure. You only see crabs on vacation. There are no lions, or scorpions,…

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?Twas the Night Before Christmas 60’s style ?Twas the night before Christmas And all through the house Things were real mellow Even Irving the mouse Our boots were hung up The incense was lit In the hopes that St. Nick Would soon do his bit The tree was decked out It was really a sight With love beads and flowers And a flashing strobe light Wearing my T-shirt From the Woodstock Nation I was getting into Some good meditation And…

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Years ago I had just delivered twins. They were a boy and a girl. The head nurse brought them out for their father to see. He could hardly believe his good fortune. The girl baby had a pink blanket wrapped around her, and the boy baby was enclosed in a blue one. The father took one step forward, just so he could touch the babies and believe that they had finally arrived. As he started to touch them, the nurse…

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