Goo Jokes - page 2

A preacher was speaking to his congregation one Sunday. He was commenting that members of his congregation were patting him on the back and saying how good he was. He told them that he has to be good, he gets PAID for being good. Then he pointed to his audience and said, “But you all are good for nothing.”

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A soldier, filled with obvious triumph, returned from his twenty-four hour pass and was besieged by his buddies who wanted to know, in detail, how he had made out. The soldier, nothing loath, said gleefully, “What a piece of fuckin’ luck I had. I hadn’t been off camp more than half an hour when I met this fuckin’ broad and she was STACKED! We got to talking and I took her out for some fuckin’ hamburgers. Then we went to…

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At age seventy, British conductor and organist Sir Malcolm Sargent was asked by an interviewer: “To what do you attribute your advanced age?” “Well,” replied the conductor, “I suppose I must attribute it to the fact that I haven’t died yet.”

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Comedian Jack Benny was very proud of the fact that a school in his home town of Waukegan, Illinois was named after him. He made a point of visiting it and speaking to the children whenever he was in the neighborhood. Some years after the school was opened, Benny found himself addressing a class of twelve-year-olds. His speech over, he asked if there were any questions. One little boy immediately put up his hand. “Mr. Benny,” he asked, “why did…

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Jojo: My twins have just fallen down the well! What shall I do? Momo: Go down to the library & ask for the book named “How to Bring Up Children.”

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There was a man selling a horse, and beside that there was a bench. One day there were 2 girls sitting on the bench and the man said, “Do you want to buy my horse? He’s a very good horse but he don’t look so good,” the girls refused to buy the horse. A few days later a boy was sitting on the bench and he said, “Do you want to buy my horse? He’s a very good horse, but…

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A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking into her purse, she commented, “That’s funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are 20 $1 bills. The boy quicky replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”

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