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Martha Stewart Holiday Calendar December 1 Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards. December 2 Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine. December 3 Using candlewick and handgilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener. December 4 Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim. December 5 Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself. December 6 Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee…

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Have you ever wondered how the female mind works as compared to the male mind? Yes Male minds are simple. HER DIRECTIONS: 80….(SF)….just after the weight station near cordelia(i think) will be an exit for 14…Sonoma and Napa….take it…..follow it all the way thru…..till you end up in fairfield…there is a signal next to…a Beer joint i think it is….i don’t know…but you merge to the right which turns into a lil 2 lane freeway dealy….go thru the signal…go over…

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It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. “Hello?” I said. A girl’s voice came over the line. “Can I speak to Ben, please?” I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored. I replied, “I’m sorry, he’s not in right now. Can I take a message?” “Do you know what time he’ll be back?” she responded. “I…

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Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. “So how was it?” his mother asked when they returned home. “Great,” Little Johnny replied. “Did you and your father have a good time?” asked his mother. “Yeah, Daddy especially liked it,” exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!”

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With the Christmas season approaching, please look into your heart to help those in need. Hundreds of National Basketball Association players in our very own country are living at or below the seven-figure salary level. And, as if that weren’t bad enough, they will be deprived of pay for several weeks- possibly a whole year as a result of the current lock-out situation. But now you can help! For only $20,835.46 a month, about 694.50 a day (that’s less than…

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