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Broken toilet

A lady is sitting in a roadhouse bar drinking; when she asks the bartender where the bathroom is located. The bartender tells her that the toilets broken, but she can go out back and squat next to the dumpster if she wants. The lady has been drinking pretty heavily so she staggers out back. She pulls her panties down and relieves herself, but she is so drunk she passes out . A trucker who has been on the road for…

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Sesame Seed Buns

I took my 4-year-old son, Josh, out to McDonald’s for dinner one evening for a “guy night.” As we were eating our hamburgers, Josh asked, “Daddy, what are these little things on the hamburger buns?” I responded that they were tiny seeds and were okay to eat. He was quiet for a couple of minutes, and I could tell he was in deep thought. Finally, Josh looked up and said, “Dad, if we go home and plant these seeds in…

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The Nude Model

Some time ago, there was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now. As usual, his model reported, and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day’s work. He told her not to bother, that he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. He added that he would…

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F.B.I.

The FBI is looking for a new assassin so they place an ad in the paper. The next day they get three replies. The three men are told to come in for an interview the next day and they need to bring their wives when they come. The next day the three men show up with wives in tow. The first man is called in and they place his wife in a room and give him a gun and tell…

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2 Can Play It That Way

Mr. Harris had a new secretary who was such a pretty young thing and so eager to please that he decided to “work late” and to take her to dinner tonight. So he called up his wife to tell her he would be late and she replied, “No problem.” So Mr. Harris treated his secretary to dinner at a fancy restaurant where they had one drink too many. After dinner with her, it was obvious that Mr. Harris would get…

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Linda Tripp

One day Hercules, Cinderella, and Quasimodo all met togather and decided to have a picnic. Hercules stands and says, “I’m the strongest man in the world!” Cinderella stands and says, “Well I’m the prettiest woman in the world!” Quasimodo says, “I’m the ugliest in all the land!” So they decided to go home that night and pray to the gods and ask if all of this was true, and said they would meet the next day. Hercules arrives and says,…

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The Runner

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with her boyfriend Ralph, when she heard her husband’s car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph, “Hurry! grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband is home early!” Ralph looked out the window and said, “I can’t jump out the window! It’s raining like hell out there.” Mary cried, “If my husband catches us in here,…

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Self Control

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her, “No.” The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don’t be upset. It won’t be long.” He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little…

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Are You Ready to Have Children?

Mess Test :Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fishstick behind the TV and leave it there all summer. Toy Test: Buy a 55-gallon drum of Lego. (If Lego’s are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks.) Have a friend spread them all over the house and stairways. Put on a blindfold and remove your shoes and socks. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream, as this could wake the child at night.…

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