Gin Jokes - page 22

Making fun of our Redneck Buddies…

You might be a redneck if: The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table…. in front of her kids. Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night. Jack Daniels makes your list of “Most Admired People.” You think…

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Read JokeMaking fun of our Redneck Buddies…

Turn the page

A college professor goes to bed with his wife. Figuring that he’s not that tired, he’s decides stay awake and read while she goes to sleep. So while he’s reading, every once in a while he reaches over and tickles her on the fun spot… “Kitza kitza…” She says, “Will you stop that! Will you stop reaching over here and teasing me like that?” “I’m not teasing you. I’m wetting my fingers so I can turn the page.”

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Parrot on Titanic

Mrs. VanAstor was seated beside her luggage in the First Class Passenger waiting room beside the pier at South Hampton, preparing to board the HMS Titanic when a British sailor approached her with a parrot. “Excuse me, Mum,” said the limey, “but Butch, that’s me parrot here, we wuz lookin forward to visitin the Colonies but I wuz just told they had enuff staff and I’m not needed, and Butch is terrible disappointed. Would you mind takin him with you?…

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Read JokeParrot on Titanic

How to lose weight…

How to Lose Weight at Work Without Doing Much Here?s the guide to calorie-burning activities and the number of calories per hour they consume. Beating around the bush. . . . . . . . .75 Jumping to conclusions . . . . . . . . 100 Climbing the walls . . . . . . . . . . 150 Swallowing your pride. . . . . . . . . .50 Passing the buck . . .…

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Colours

Classroom scene: The teacher walks into her fifth grade class and says: “OK children, today we will not use the textbook.” All the children were happy, especially those who didn’t get their homework done. Teacher goes on to say, “Today we will be talking about colours, and we will use our imagination to talk about colours. Can anyone tell me a story about colours?” An Irish boy raises his hand and starts “My daddy is a policeman and he wears…

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Read JokeColours

Blonde’s Y2K Suggestion

During a staff meeting on the last working day of 1999, a manager was discussing the company’s preparedness for the Y2K roll-over. Worried that the company’s computers may fail when the year becomes 2000, the manager is requiring every engineer to report to work on first day of January to make sure the computers will not go crazy. His blonde secretary, who was taking down the minutes of the meeting, suddenly raised her hand excitedly and asked if she could…

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Read JokeBlonde’s Y2K Suggestion

Easter Dress

At the beginning of the children’s sermon, one little girl came up to the altar wearing a beautiful dress. As the children are sitting down around the pastor, the pastor leans over and says to the little girl, “That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?” The girl replies almost directly into the pastor’s clip-on mike, “Yes…and my Mom says it’s a bitch to iron.”

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Read JokeEaster Dress

Scribbling for a Living

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $50.” The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $100.” The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece…

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Read JokeScribbling for a Living

Man On Beach

A man with no arms and no legs is sitting on a beach when these three beautful women walk past and notice him. One of the beautiful women felt so sorry for him and askes, “have you ever been hugged?” The man replied, “no” and the beautful woman bent over and gave him a hug. Then the second girl askes, ” have you never been kissed?” The man begins getting really exicited and replys, “No, never!” and the girl bent…

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A difference you can TASTE!

This man walks into the patent office, places an apple on the desk and says, “I want to patent this apple.” The patent officer informs him that he can’t get a patent on an apple. The gent says, “Taste it.” The officer tastes it and with mild surprise states, “It tastes like an orange. Unfortunately, it still can’t be patented.” Not willing to give up yet, the man asks him to turn it around and taste the other side. The…

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Read JokeA difference you can TASTE!