F king Jokes - page 84

Cultural Differences

There is a beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman 2 American men and 1 American woman 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman 2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman 2 New Zealand men and 1 New…

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Some things to consider….

If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy? Hard work will pay off later. Laziness pays off now! If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help. When blondes have more fun, do they know it? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson. Four out of five people think the fifth is an idiot. Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking? A hangover is…

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Come Together

A truck driver was barely creeping up a very steep hill with his rig when he reached the top. On the downward descent of the same hill he noticed what appeared to be a couple laying right in the middle of the road. The closer he got it appeared that they were making love. He immediately began blowing the airhorn and applying the brakes. The couple continued their passionate ways as the driver came screeching to a halt only inches…

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Diary of a Viagra Housewife

Day 1. Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to reenact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried. Wussy. Day 2. Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He’s impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn’t he tell me something I don’t know! I mean, gimme a break. He’s been dysfunctional for so long that he…

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Hillary’s Tour

Hillery Clinton and St. Peter were taking a walk in heaven one day. Hillery noticed all these clocks around. She asked,”What are all these clocks for?” St. Peter replied,”For every lie someone tells, their clock advances one minute. See, over there? That is Abe Lincoln’s clock. He only told two lies in his life. His clock reads: two after twelve.” Then Hillery asked,”Where is my husbands clock, where’s Bill’s clock?” Peter replied,”That is in Jesus’s office, he uses it for…

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Leftovers & Hand-Me-Downs

A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: “Before you leave, I want you to hear how all this came about. “Driving home along the highway, I saw this young woman looking tired and bedraggled, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast…

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Read JokeLeftovers & Hand-Me-Downs

Last Day Of Kindergarten

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, “I bet I know what it is – It’s some flowers!” “That’s right!” shouted the little boy. Then candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher a gift. She shook it and said, “I bet I know what it is – It’s a box of candy!” “That’s right!” shouted the little…

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You’re TERMINAL, George!

George had not been feeling well in the last several days and when the pain finally became totally unbearable, he went to his Doctor. After considerable poking and prodding and testing the Doctor says grimly, “George, you’re terminal.” “Oh my God!” exclaims George. “How long do I have?” The Doctor says “Ten.” “Ten WHAT?” George screams. “Ten months, ten years…WHAT?” The Doctor says, “Nine…eight…seven… “

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3 blondes

There were three blondes walking along the beach. While they were walking, they find a geenie. The geenie says that they can each have one wish. The first blonde wishes to be a thousand times smarter, so her hair turns light brown and she becomes a brain surgeon. the secound one wishes to be a million times smarter and her hair gets a really dark brown and she finds a cure for cancer. The third blonde wishes to be a…

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What Talent!

A family was visiting an Indian reservation when they happened upon an old tribesman lying face down in the middle of the road with his ear pressed firmly against the blacktop. The father of the family asked the old tribeman what he was doing. The tribesman began to speak…”woman, late thirties, three kids, one barking dog in late model, white, four-door station wagon, traveling at 65 m.p.h. “That’s amazing!” exclaimed the father. “You can tell all that just by listening…

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Read JokeWhat Talent!