F king Jokes - page 25

The Time

A man was sleeping his car on the side of the road one night, until he was awakened by a jogger knocking at his window. He unrolled his window and looked at the jogger. “Excuse me, sir. Do you have the time?” He asked. The man looked at his watch and replied, “It’s 8:10.” The jogger thanked him and went on with his jogging. The man rolled his window back up and went back to sleep. A while later, he…

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Indecent Exposure

The blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, “Ma’am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?” Innocently, she says, “Why, Officer?” “Because your breast is exposed.” “OH, MY GOD!” says the blonde. “I forgot my baby on the BUS!!!”

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Almost Got It

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?” A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, “A basketball coach?”

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lots and lots and lots of…you get the picture.

your mom is so fat…she went to Sizzler’s and got a group discount. your mom is so fat…her belt size is equator. your mom is so fat…she was baptised in the pacific ocean. your mom is so stupid, she told me she tripped over a cordless phone. your mom is so old, she walked by an antiqe shop and they put a price tag on her. your mom is so old…she knew god. your mom is so fat, she sat…

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Read Jokelots and lots and lots of…you get the picture.

3 men’s punishment

Three men (John, Bubba, and Mac) died and went to Hell. All three of them were in a very dark and scary room. Suddenly a loud voice boomed out “John, you have been very bad all of your life. For your punsihment, you must live with this woman for all eternity.” Then a 7 foot tall, skinny, ugly woman walked out and John was forced away with her. Bubba and Mac were shaking after seeing what happened and afraid of…

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The Used Harley

There’s this guy who is in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So, he’s shopping around, answering ads in thenewspaper, not having much luck. One day, he comes across a bike for sale in a yard. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition and inquires about it with the owner. “This bike is beautiful!” He says. “I’ll take it! But how did you keep it in such great shape?”…

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Rejected Childrens Titles

Titles of Children’s Books you probably WON’T see! 1.Some Kittens Can Fly 2.That’s it, I’m Putting You Up for Adoption 3.Grandpa Gets a Casket 4.The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator 5.Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia 6.The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking 7.Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her 8.Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence 9.All Cats Go to Hell 10.The Little Sissy Who Snitched 11.The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan 12.Your Nightmares Are Real 13.Where Would You…

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Read JokeRejected Childrens Titles

Children’s books you’ll NEVER see…

“You Are Different and That’s Bad” “Dad’s New Wife Timothy” “Pop! Goes The Hamster….And Other Great Microwave Games” “Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Household Pets” “Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence” “The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables” “Start a Real Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom’s Purse” “The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy” “Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will” “The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead” “How to Become The Dominant…

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A dog’s life

Things Dogs Must Try To Remember…. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house. I will not eat the cats’ food, before or after they eat it. I will…

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Spotlessly clean

After I had grown up and become a man, my father and I were seated in front of the TV, during a football game’s halftime exercises. Dad remarked, “Son, every time I gave you a whipping when you were bad, you’d go into the bathroom and spend about 30 minutes, scrubbing the toilet. You got it spotlessly clean, and I could never figure out why you did that.” Without taking my eyes off the TV, I replied, “I was ‘getting…

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Read JokeSpotlessly clean