F king Jokes - page 119

Marital Bliss

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know…

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Read JokeMarital Bliss

Bar Talk Interpretations

No, really, I’m O.K. to drive… – I’m wasted, and I am too embarrassed to have anybody see who I’m going with I’m not used to these darts… – I’m not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when I’m this bombed. Let’s go out to my car and get some cigarettes…(male to female) – You would look great face down in my lap. Want to check out my new car stereo? (male to female) – I have…

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Read JokeBar Talk Interpretations

Dead?

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years, and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony…

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Off Limits

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?” At this point,…

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A few bumper stickers

Your gene pool needs a little chlorine. You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you! You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT! Save Your Breath . . . You’ll need it to blow up your date! All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.

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Read JokeA few bumper stickers

Voter Fraud

Martin Van Buren was so obnoxious to the southern states that he received only 9 popular votes from the South during his 1848 campaign for the Presidency—all were from Virginia. His supporters raised a cry of fraud. “Yes, fraud,” said a Virginian, “and we’re still looking for the son-of-a-bitch who voted nine times.”

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Read JokeVoter Fraud

Late Night

A man is out drinking with his buddies one night and suddenly realizes he has stayed too late and is in for trouble when he gets home. “No problem,” says his friend, “Do what I do to my wife. Sneak into the bedroom, crawl up under the blanket between her legs and do a little oral sex! She’ll forget all about being mad and fall right asleep.” So the guy gets home to a dark, quiet house. He creeps in…

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MEN!!

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don’t know, because it has never happened. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking? They all already have boyfriends.

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Is that horse for sale?

A man was driving along the highway in Wyoming, when he noticed a beautiful white stallion standing proudly on a hill. All of his life the man dreamt of owning a horse like that, when suddenly he spotted the entrance to a ranch. The owner was outside mending a fence, so the man asked him, “Is that your horse?” “Yes it is,” replied the rancher, “in fact I was thinking about selling him.” Well the potential buyer got so excited…

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Read JokeIs that horse for sale?