F king Jokes - page 116

Four fingered golf

One day a man with no tongue approched a threesome on the first tee of a golf course. He handed a card to the men that stated, “I am dumb as I have no tongue. I would like to join your threesome, making it a foursome”. The first man looked at the card and said, “No problem”. The second man looked at the card and said, “I have no problem with that”. The third man looked at the card and…

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Lions fan

This guy and his dog went to a Lions game and the security guard told the man that he couldnt bring a dog into the stadium. The guy said, “Come on man he is a die hard Lions fan!” But, the security guard insisted, “No, its against rules but theres a bar across the street you can bring the dog to watch the game.” So they went to the bar across the street. They sat down and as they were…

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Wrong Address

A new restaurant opened over the weekend and the owner’s friend sent over flowers to celebrate the opening. However, when the flowers arrived at the new restaurant, the owner took one look at the card which read, “Rest In Peace.” This so angered the owner that he called up the florist to complain. After the owner had told the florist about the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said, “I’m really really sorry for what happened, sir.…

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Clearly, they’re Russian…..

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. “Look at their reserve, their calm,” muses the Brit. “They must be British.” “Nonsense,” the Frenchman disagrees. “They’re naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French.” “No clothes, no shelter,” the Russian points out, “they have only an apple to eat, and they’re being told this is paradise. They are Russian.”

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SNAPS

Here’s one for the women: ADD a bed SUBTRACT your clothes DIVIDE your legs so we can MULTIPLY. Yo mama got more extensions than AT&T. Yo mama so fat her blood type is rocky road. Yo mama so old when Moses parted the Red Sea she was taking a swim. Yo family so black if they hold hands they look like a stretch limo. Yo mama so stupid she thought Taco Bell was a phone company. Yo mama so fat…

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Who’s the Robber Here?

Two Jews are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers up against a wall and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on, the first Jew slips something into the second Jew’s hand. Without looking down, the second Jew whispers, “What is this?” The first Jew replies, “It’s that $50 I owe you.”

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It’s coming NOW!

A visitor from England was running around town yelling, “The meteor is coming! The meteor is coming! Run and hide, NOW!” A police officer stopped him and said, “What the hell are you yelling about?” The British subject explained that he was repeating what he overheard from two other British subjects, both of whom the officer knew. Hearing the explanation, the policeman got very angry. “WHY can’t you folks from England learn to pronounce the letter ‘H’, when you are…

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a red head a blonde and a brunette

There once was a blonde, brunette and a red head. They were all stranded on a deserted island. One day they were all walking along the beach when they came across a lamp. They decided to rub it hoping a genie would appear and grant them three wishes. So they rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared saying to them, “I shall grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, you can all have one wish each.”…

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Unlikely Carpool Candidate

An employment interviewer for a big company in Atlanta was talking to an attractive, young woman applying for a job. Looking over the application form, the interviewer noticed that the girl had not answered one important question concerning transportation to and from work. “What about your bus line?” the interviewer asked her. “I must have overlooked that one,” came her reply. “It’s 36C.”

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Read JokeUnlikely Carpool Candidate