Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A farmer decided it was time to take a wife, so he went to the city and found a woman who agreed to marry him. The only problem was she knew absolutely nothing about farming, and told him that. He told her not to worry, he would handle all the farm things. One day, a few years later, the Farmer told his wife that the next morning he would have to go to town. He told her that the vet…
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A city gent is walking out of a tube station when a beggar accosts him and asks him for money for some food. The city gent replies: “Neither a lender nor a borrower be – William Shakespeare” and walks off. A few days later the beggar is wandering down a country lane when he sees the same city gent with the hood of his Rolls Royce up. The city gent says: “I say! Could you give me a push to…
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A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar, ordered a drink, and lit up a cigar. As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings. After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian stomped up to him and said, “One more remark like that, and I’ll do my best to remember…
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A construction worker tells his doctor, “I’m constipated.” The doctor examines him for a few minutes and says, “Lean over the table.” After he does so, the doctor whacks him on his ass, with a baseball bat. A loud “CRACK!” is heard, and the doctor sends the man to the bathroom. After coming out of the bathroom, the construction worker says, “I feel great! What should I do to prevent constipation in the future?” The doctor says, “Stop wiping your…
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A modest man is in the hospital for a series of tests. One of the last tests has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to the bathroom he decided the latest was another. He completely filled his bed up with human waste and was embarrased beyond anything he could possibly face. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the…
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Back in the olden days, a man was traveling through Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching, and the man had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer told him that it would be all right, and that he could sleep in the barn. The man went into the barn to bed down and the farmer went back into the house. The farmer’s daughter came down from upstairs…
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Ever look at the Help Wanted ads and wonder what they REALLY mean? Here is our guide to Job Search Lingo: “Competitive Salary” We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition. “Join our fast-paced company” We have no time to train you. “Casual work atmosphere” We don’t pay enough to expect that you will dress up; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings. “Some overtime required” Some every night and some every weekend. “Duties will vary”…
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Some newly-married friends were visiting us when the topic of children came up. The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband demurred, saying two would be enough for him. They discussed this difference of opinion for a few minutes until the husband thought he’d put an end to things by saying boldly, “After our second child, I’ll just have a vasectomy.” Without a moment’s hesitation, the bride retorted, “Well, I hope you’ll love our third child as…
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“EVERYTHING COMES IN THREES” Not true. In reality, everything comes in ones. Sometimes, when three “ones” come in a row, it seems like everything comes in threes. By the way, in medieval times it was widely believed that everything came in twenty-sixes. They were wrong, too. It just took them longer to recognize the pattern. “YOU CAN’T TAKE IT WITH YOU (When you die)” Well….., that depends on what it is. If it’s your dark blue suit, you can certainly…
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A medieval Jewish astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The kind was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman’s death. He summoned the astrologer and gave him this command: “Prophet, tell me when you will die!” The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him, immediately, no matter what answer he gave. So he said, finally, “I…
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