Eve Jokes - page 182

Human Nature Laws of Behavior

“The Law of Avoiding Oversell” When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse. “The Law of Common Sense” Never accept a drink from a urologist. “The Law of Reality” Never get into fights with ugly people; they have nothing to lose. “The Law of Motivation” Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster. “Boob’s Law” You always find something in the last place you look. “Law of Impossibility” Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have…

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Read JokeHuman Nature Laws of Behavior

Doesn’t He Look Familiar?

A notorious convicted felon had escaped from a federal prison and was believed to be hiding out in Arkansas. So the FBI sent out identity photos of the escapee – left profile, full face and right profile – to all the state law enforcement agencies in Arkansas. A couple of weeks later, this reply was sent to the FBI : “We have identified the man on the left and the one on the right but we are still looking for…

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Read JokeDoesn’t He Look Familiar?

Stranger Than Fiction

For those who have never traveled to the great West, cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed on the ground at fence openings on highways to prevent cattle from crossing. For some reason the bovines will not step on the guards, probably because they fear getting their feet caught between the rails. I need to make that clear in order for everyone to appreciate the following TRUE story. President Clinton received a report that there were over 100,000 cattle guards…

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Signs Of Aging

Top 10 Signs You Are No Longer A Kid…… 1. Your back goes out more than you do. 2. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. 3. You buy a compass for the dash of your car. 4. You are proud of your lawn mower. 5. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper. 6. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?” 7. You wear black…

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Forget the Ark!

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: “In six months I’m going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an Ark.” And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for an Ark. “OK,” said Noah, trembling in fear and…

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The Untold Quasimodo Story

After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringer’s job. The bishop…

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A Tennessean Moves to New York

January 10: It’s 5pm. It’s starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we’ve seen in many years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the picture window watching the snow flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was so pristine and beautiful. Things could not be any better. January 11: We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a…

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Keeping Pure

A man always sees a beautiful woman in a bar every night but he’s just too shy to talk to her. After 2 weeks he finally works up enough courage to make his move. “No, thank you,” she says politely, “This is going to sound rather old-fashioned, but I’m keeping myself pure until I find the right guy.” “That must be hard,” said the man. “Oh I don’t mind,” said the woman, “but my husband doesn’t like it much.”

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Topless Restaurant

Friends of ours invited my wife and me out to dinner. Although it turned out to be a topless restaurant, my wife was a pretty good sport and pretended to enjoy the evening. On the way home, though, even the defrosters at full force couldn’t keep the windshield from icing over on her side of the car. “Awww, come on,” I said. “It wasn’t THAT bad.” “Your ordering what you did didn’t help matters,” she said, fuming. “What?” I replied.…

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a little blonde girl

A girl came skipping home from school one day. “Mommy Mommy”, she yelled. ” We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to ten!” “Very good”, said the mother. “Is it because I’m blonde?” asked the girl. “Yes, it’s because your blonde.” The next day the girl came skipping home from school. “Mommy Mommy”, she yelled “We were saying the alphabet today,and all the other kids said up to D but…

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Read Jokea little blonde girl