Eve Jokes - page 119

Snow White Peep Show

One day Snow White was going upstairs to take a shower and the seven dwarfs decided that they would go outside and stand one on top of each other’s shoulders to build a ladder and look into the window. They told the guy on top to tell them everything that’s happening and they would pass it down the line to the others. Suddenly, the top dwarf whispers, “She’s taking off her shirt..” The other dwarfs repeat, “Taking off her shirt”,…

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The Proxy Father

The Smiths had tried for years to have a child, and not having had any luck, they decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon”. Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the bell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning madam. You don’t know me but I’ve come…

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51 Days

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows.…

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I gave it up.

A businessman was feeling rather ill and went to see the Doctor about it. “Well, it must be your diet,”, reported the doctor. “what sort of greens do you eat?” “Well,” the man replies. “I only eat peas. I hate all other green foods”. “Well man, that’s your problem…legume intolerance. Those peas will be clogging up your system, you’ll have to give them up.” “But how long? I mean, I really like peas!” “Forever, I’m afraid,” intoned the doctor. The…

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Pulled Over

I heard about a young lady who was speeding, and an officer pulled her to the side of the road. She didn’t have her seat belt on so, as soon as she stopped, she quickly yanked it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, “I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?” “Oh yes, I do, Officer,” she purred. “Well,” asked…

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Applying For Insurance

A cowboy applied for an insurance policy. “Have you ever had any accidents?” asked the agent. “Nope,” replied the applicant, “though a bronc did kick in two of my ribs last summer, and a couple of years ago a rattlesnake bit me on the ankle.” “Wouldn’t you call those accidents?” replied the puzzled agent. “Naw,” the cowboy said, “they did it on purpose!”

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Cure for the Common Cough

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last. Just then, a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might, John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob’s warning, he sold the man a box…

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Blonde’s drink of choice

A Blonde, a Redhead, and a Brunette went into a bar. The Redhead asked the bartender for an “M.L.” The bartender said, “I’m sorry, I don’t know an M.L. is.” The Redhead said, “Duh, a ‘Miller light’!” The Brunette asked for a “C.L.” Once again, the bartender said, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what a C.L. is.” The Brunette said, “Duh, a ‘Coors light’.” The Blonde asked for a “15”. The bartender said, “A 15?” The Blonde said “Duh, a…

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Backfired Plan

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation, so he went to see his doctor. The doctor suggested that the man could solve his problem by startling himself whenever he thought that he was going to ejaculate. So, the man went directly to a sporting goods store and bought a starter pistol. Then he went home to try the doctor’s advice. When he got home, he found his wife waiting for him on their bed, naked! So he ripped off…

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Newlyweds a-hunting

Joe and Ken always hunt together, but Ken gets married and is forced to bring his new bride along. Ken tells his wife to straighten out the cabin and fix lunch while he and Joe look for a good spot to hunt deer. They arrive on top of this big cliff and proceed to look for the best spot for their treestand. Joe tells Ken he can see the cabin; Ken says never mind that look for a good spot.…

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