Eve Jokes - page 110

Virus Warning

This virus warning is genuine. There is a new virus going around, called “work.” If you receive any sort of “work” at all, whether via email, internet or simply handed to you by a colleague…DO NOT OPEN IT. This has been circulating around our building for months and those who have been tempted to open “work” or even look at “work” have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly. If you do encounter…

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Golf Fanatic

This American golf fanatic always dreamed of playing at St. Andrews, and finally got the chance. Going with his wife, they teed off andhe proceeded to play the best game of his life. After 9 holes, he was 5 strokes under par,and was on cloud nine. On the back nine, he started playing even better,even getting an Eagle on the 16th hole. He was so excited that he ended up slicing the shot on the 17th tee,and as he walked…

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How much have you got?

Two little boys were playing in a neighbor lady’s yard when they noticed a man knock on her door and say he wanted to have a good time and asked her, how much? She told him $30.00 and let him in. A little while later he left with a big smile on his face. This happened several more times and the little boys were getting more and more curious, so they knocked on the lady’s door and said they wanted…

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Little Johnny’s Lesson

Little Johnny and his father are observing a couple of dogs screwing each other. “Dad, what are those dogs doing?” asks Little Johnny “Well, the one below is relaxed and the one on top is concentrating.” “Okay, I understand.” “What do you understand?” asks the father sarcastically. “Never relax in life, Dad, or you’ll get fucked like a dog!”

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13 Signs of the 90’s

13 signs that you have had too much of the 90’s: 1.) You tried to enter your password on the microwave. 2.) You now think of three expressos as “getting wasted.” 3.) You haven’t played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years. 4.) You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3. 5.) You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he e-mails you back “What’s…

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Musical Octopus

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm. He sets the octopus on a stool next to him and announces: “This is an amazing octopus. I’ll bet anyone in this bar that this octopus can play any instrument set in front of it.” Now none of the people could believe this, so one guy brought up a guitar. The octopus took hold of the guitar and started wailing way, better than Jimi Hendrix. The man took…

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Optimist, Pessimist and a Dog

Two friends, one an optimist and the other a pessimist, could never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his pessimistic friend out of his continual pessimistic way of thinking. The optimist owned a hunting dog that could walk on water. So he took the pessimist duck hunting in a boat. They got out into the middle of the lake, and the optimist shot down a duck…the…

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Plane Fright

A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and, with a nervous laugh, says, “Reverend, you’re a man of God. Can’t you do something about this storm?” The minister replies, “Lady, I’m in sales, not management.”

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