Eve Jokes - page 11

Dua Lipa ‘Categorically’ Denies Agent Fired for Being Anti-Kneecap (Yes, That’s the Band’s Name). The pop star and her talent agency are scrambling to clarify that reports of her sacking agent, a man named David Levy, are ‘categorically false.’ Apparently, the rumor mill had her giving him the boot because he allegedly signed a letter urging Glastonbury to drop a pro-Palestine Irish rap group called Kneecap from its lineup. ? So, to be clear, no one’s getting kneecapped over Kneecap……

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Sweden is officially declaring war on the pocket-sized digital overlords known as smartphones in schools, with plans for a nationwide mobile phone ban to kick in by autumn 2026. ? Prepare for a technological disarmament! From the next academic year, it will be compulsory for all Swedish schools and even after-school clubs to embark on a grand mission: collecting students’ phones and holding them hostage until the final bell rings. Imagine the scene: a horde of grumpy teenagers begrudgingly surrendering…

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Pope Leo Thinks Humanity Is ‘In Big Trouble’ Over One Tech Mogul’s Trillion-Dollar Pay. It seems even the holiest of figures can’t ignore the sheer absurdity of modern wealth! ? During his very first media interview, a concerned religious leader — known for his humble lifestyle — declared that humanity is facing ‘big trouble’. His divine consternation was sparked by the ever-growing chasm between the ultra-rich and, well, everyone else. Specifically, he pointed to one particular tech visionary who is…

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Well, would you look at that! After a mere 77 years, dedicated art historians and scientists have finally identified the specific blue pigment used in Jackson Pollock’s iconic 1948 masterpiece, ‘Number 1A’. ? Talk about a slow reveal! But here’s the kicker: the ‘manganese blue’ pigment they so painstakingly traced? Turns out it was phased out for environmental reasons. So, basically, they spent decades unraveling a great art mystery just to find out Pollock was dripping with a color that…

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Well, who saw this coming? ? After vowing to curb immigration and ‘shore up Irish culture,’ a famous mixed martial arts fighter has officially pulled out of Ireland’s presidential race. Apparently, the world of politics isn’t quite like the octagon. The fighter complained that the nomination rules were a ‘straitjacket,’ preventing a ‘true democratic contest.’ It seems the rigorous process of, you know, running a country, was a bit too much for someone who prefers headlocks to legislative loopholes. He…

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Teen Star, 14, Snags Emmy for First Role, Leaving Veteran Actors Wondering What They’re Doing Wrong! ? This pint-sized powerhouse, who was barely old enough to reach the snacks table on set, just made history at the 2025 Emmys. ? For his role in ‘Adolescence,’ this actor became the youngest-ever winner for best supporting actor in a limited series. The best part? It was his first professional credit! While seasoned performers have been toiling away for decades, this 14-year-old basically…

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The alternative dating app Feeld has dropped a bombshell revelation: forget shared hobbies or personality traits, your true compatibility test now lies with your film studio preferences! ? It seems the once-boutique studio A24 has officially transcended mere filmmaking to become a ‘worldwide signifier of edgy yet popular entertainment.’ Translation: if you want to appear cool and discerning (but not too discerning), you better have A24 listed right alongside ‘loves long walks on the beach’ and ‘fluent in sarcasm.’ Apparently,…

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France Gets a ‘Sad Face’ on Its Financial Report Card as Debt Climbs and Leaders Argue Over the Check. ? Fitch, the no-nonsense financial principal, has officially given France a less-than-stellar grade, downgrading its credit rating from a ‘respectable’ AA- to a ‘just-passing’ A+. This marks France’s lowest score on record at a major agency, making efforts to control national finances as complicated as trying to assemble IKEA furniture with missing instructions. ?? A leader resembling President Macron and his…

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Well, that was awkward! ???? Australia’s police forces geared up for a massive ‘Day of Protests,’ complete with pepper spray at the ready, only to discover most of the anticipated ‘rabble-rousers’ apparently hit the snooze button. The streets, prepped for epic brawls, instead saw a smattering of folks airing diverse grievances – everything from vaccine hesitancy to calls for racial justice. It was less of a showdown and more of a modest stroll, leaving officers with plenty of unused riot…

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In a casting decision that has us all chuckling into our tea, the artist known professionally as Self Esteem is set to embrace her inner turmoil as a “raging rock star” in a revival of David Hare’s ‘Teeth ’n’ Smiles’. ? It seems even those with stellar self-worth can channel pure, unadulterated stage fury! Rebecca Lucy Taylor, the woman behind the wonderfully ironic moniker, will tackle the role of Maggie in a 50th-anniversary production hitting London in March. Fun fact:…

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