Eve Jokes - page 104

DANGER!!!

“Everyday some new do gooder is trying to save us from ourselves. We have so many laws and safety commissions to ensure our safety that it seems nearly impossible to have an accident. The problem is, we need accidents, and LOTS of them. Danger is natures way of eliminating stupid people. Without safety, stupid people die in accidents! With safety, however well-intentioned it may be, we are, devolving into half-witted mutants because idiots, who by all rights should be dead,…

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Elvis Returns

Father O’Malley has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been married, and he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So he decides to go to the United States before he is too old to enjoy it. He hops on a plane bound for Nevada. As he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to him and exclaims, “ELVIS!…

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King Arthur

King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful, and said that he’d see if he could come up with something, and asked him to come back in a week.. A week later King Arthur was back in Merlin’s laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a…

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Foreigners

Q: What do you call a virgin, who has never smoked a joint in their life and has never had a drink of alcohol or had any run ins with the police? A: A foreigner

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Well Endowed

It was the first day of Grade Three in a new town for Dave. As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn’t get past 20. Dave, however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100 without any mistakes. He was so excited that he ran home ahd told…

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A Letter to Our Government

Dear Sir, My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Iowa, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So I want to go into the “not raising hogs” business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with…

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Poem /Rhyme

A voluptuous blonde was short on cash and came up with a plan to make some money. She decided to go into some local bars and bet some of the patrons that she had a better poem/rhyme than anything they could come up with. (As long as it was a poem/rhyme also). The only problem was she didn’t have enough money for the kind of bet she wanted to make and therefore provided the condition that if they won she…

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Fifty Years

Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Sam says to Becky, “Becky, I was wondering–have you ever cheated on me?” Becky replies, “Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don’t want to ask that question….” “Yes, Beck, I really want to know. Please…” “Well, all right. Yes, 3 times…” “Three? Well, when were they?” he asked. “Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old, and you really wanted to start that business on…

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Skipping a grade

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asks, “Johnny! What is your problem?!” Johnny says, “I’m too smart for the first grade. My sister’s in the third grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade!” The teacher had had enough. As a result, she took Johnny to the principal’s office and explained Johnny’s request. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the…

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bear&rabbit

A bear & rabbit are takin’ a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, “Excuse me, but do you heve trouble with shit sticking to your fur?” The rabbit replies, “No,I don’t.” So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

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