Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A man died and went to heaven. At the gate St. Peter was there and he said, “What have you done to enter these gates?” The man replied, “It was very cold outside just the other day and I gave a bum on the street $.15 for a cup of coffee.” “Is that all?” St. Peter asked. “No,” the man said, “Yesterday I gave a lady that had gotten mugged on the street $.10 for the payphone so she could…
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SEMINARS FOR MALES (prepared and presented by females) 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut 4. How to Fill an Ice Tray 5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money 6. Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am 7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly titled “Don’t Wash my Silks”) 8. Parenting: No, It Doesn’t End With Conception 9. Get a Life: Learn…
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A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco’s Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs. “Twelve dollars for the rat, sir,” says the shop owner, “and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it.” “You can keep the story, old man,” he replies, “but I’ll take…
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Wuz de nite befo Crimmus; And all ower da hood; ereybody wuz’ sleepin’; Dey wuz sleepin’ good. We hunged up our stockings; An hoped like de’ heck; That old Santa Clause; Be bringin’ our check. All o’de fambily; Wuz layin in de beds; While Ripple and Thunderbird; Danced through dey heads. I passed out inna’ flo; Right nex to my Maw; When I heard sech a fuss; I thunk: “It mus be de law!!!” I looked out thru de bars;…
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10. Your car can actually go airborn when driving over hills at high speeds. 9. Never flip off the elderly, they may have heart conditions. 8. If you see a pedestrian crossing the road, do not speed up and take bets on whether they will make it or if they will have to run back. 7. If you have little kids in the car and you see a rabbit hopping across the road, do not speed up and say “wow…
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Frank phones his wife Angie at ten to five and tells her he’s bringing his boss home for dinner. Angie is furious that she’s had no time to prepare but when Frank and his boss arrive, she has miraculously made a marvelous veal marsala, with pasta, chianti and a spinach salad. She’s even managed to shower, change into a dress, and get their little six-year-old daughter, Stephanie, looking clean and pretty. As they are seated at the dining room table,…
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Father Ralf was the new initiate at St. Clures. The old priest, Father Patrick, was getting worn out by confessional and wanted a game of golf. He had put up a big sign to guide Father Ralf: “Do it yourself confessional – Spitting=1 Hail Mary; lying=2 Hail Marys” and so on. He said to father Ralf, “I’m off to golf now, you look after confession – just follow the chart & everything will be fine.” Ralf had a quiet morning…
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A man asks Jack, the produce manager of a local supermarket, for half a cabbage. “Half a cabbage?” says Jack. “Why don’t you buy a whole cabbage?” “I live alone. I don’t need a whole cabbage.” “All right, Sir,” says Jack, “I’ll be right back”,and he takes a cabbage through the swinging doors to the meat department. “Max,” he says to the butcher, not realizing the customer has followed him through the doors, “cut this in half. Some asshole wants…
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The average cucumber is at least six inches long Cucumbers stay hard for a week A Cucumber won’t tell you that size doesn’t count Cucumbers don’t get too excited A Cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety Cucumbers are easy to pick up You can fondle Cucumbers in the supermarket…and you know how firm it is before you take one home Cucumbers can get away any weekend With a Cucumber you can get a single room…and you won’t have to check…
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A salesman’s car breaks down, so he asks a farmer to let him spend the night. The farmer then tells the salesman, “Well, if you’re not picky, you can spend the night in the barn.” The salesman agrees to do so. In the middle of the night, the salesman wakes up and is really thirsty, so he decides to get some milk from a cow. Soon, the farmer hears noises coming from the barn and goes to investigate. Upon entering…
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