Doctor who Jokes - page 34

During a routine physical exam, the doctor found his elderly male patient suffering from the effects of old age much sooner than expected. So, he gave the old man this piece of advice, “Your gout is getting much worse. You’ll have to give up drinking, smoking and having sex for a long while.” The old man stared back at his doctor incredulously before blurting out, “What for? So that I can just walk a little better?”

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A man on the psychiatrist’s couch tells the doctor that everyone hates him. “Nonsense,” says the doctor. “But tell me why you think everyone hates you.” “For starters,” says the painter. “I’m not white.” “That’s no reason to be hated,” counsels the doctor. “That’s true,” agrees the man on the couch. “But you see, I am also not a Christian.” “Again,” says the doctor. “That’s no reason for people to hate you.” “True,” says the patient. “But then, I am…

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Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.” The gentleman said, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet.…

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An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, “I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what’s wrong with me.” “Let’s begin with a few questions,” said the doctor. “Do you drink much?” “Alcohol?” said the man. “I’m a teetotaler. Never touch a drop.” “How about smoking?” asked the doctor. “Never,” replied the man. “Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it.” “Well, uh,” said the doctor, “do you have much sex…

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A guy goes to the doctor and the doctor examines him and gives him a prescription for suppositories. “Take two of these a day and come back in two weeks”, said the doc. After two weeks, the guy returns and the doctor says, “Well, how did that medicine I prescribed work for you?” The guy says, “Doctor, for all the good those damned things did me, I coulda shoved ’em up my butt!”

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Quasimodo goes to a doctor for an annual checkup. “I think something is wrong with your back,” the doctor says. “What makes you think that?” asks Quasimodo. “I don’t know,” the doctor replies. “It’s just a hunch.”

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A doctor walks up to a teller to pay a bill at the bank. He reaches into his top pocket to pull out a pen to sign a cheque but instead pulls out a rectal thermometer. The teller looks at him strangely as the doctorsays, “some asshole has got my pen.”

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