Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin…
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Dr. Masters and Dr. Johnson were discussing the performance of Nurse Ratchett who seemed to have trouble understanding the simplest instruction. Dr. Masters said, “I notice Nurse Ratchett always mixes up the words in any instruction I give her. Why, just recently, I told her to give Mr. Jones an injection of two-milligrams of morphine every 10 hours. What she did was to give him an injection of 10-milligrams every two hours. Mr. Jones damn near died on us!” “Tell…
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Gus was this really big guy who desperately wanted to lose weight but nothing worked. So Gus went to see the doctor. “Doctor, please tell me how to lose weight.” “Sure” the doctor said, “all you have to do is eat through your arse and it wont go through your body so you can’t put on weight.” 2 months later….. The doctor sees Gus up the street, “WOW Gus, you look great, but what’s with that terrible limp?” Gus replies,…
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One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe say’s to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.” “Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money.” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars…a lot cheaper than a doctor.” So Joe…
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A big-shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. Se came into his room and announced, “I have to take your temperature.” After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down,…
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A SNOW DIARY DECEMBER 4 – 5:00 It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our hot buttered rum and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful. DECEMBER 9 – We woke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and…
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The missionaries were doing their best to convert the local Indians, and to stop their consumption of liquor but to no avail. Finally they introduced them to tea. Iced tea, hot tea, etc. The Indians loved it! They drank it every morning, every afternoon, evenings. It was great! Soon tho, it seemed to get out of hand. All this tea drinking, all the time… even at their parties and pow-wows. One pow-wow in particular it seemed they must’ve overdone it.…
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Mrs. Goldstein, somewhat advanced in years, had finally been persuaded to consult a psychiatrist for the first time. The psychiatrist, viewing her ruefully, said, “Mrs. Goldstein, with your permission I will try an experiment with you. It may serve to advance us more rapidly. I am going to have you lie here on the couch for half an hour, and during that period of time I want you to think of nothing but sex. Do you understand me? Just think…
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A man working at a lumber yard is pushing a saw through a tree when he accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He rushes to the emergency room of a nearby hospital, where the awaiting doctor takes a look and says, “Yikes! Well, give me the fingers, and I’ll see what I can do.” “I haven’t got the fingers,” the man said. The doctor says, “What! Do you mean you didn’t bring them with you? This is the…
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Memo To: All Employees Subject: New Policies Sick Days: We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Surgery: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. Bereavement Leave: This is no excuse…
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