Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Use a calculator for this joke. A doctor says to a woman, “You have a sixty-nine inch bustline. (Type 69) That’s too, too, too large. (Enter 222 after 69.) I’m giving you these pills. You have to take them 5 times a day (Enter 51 after 69222) for the next 8 days. (Multiply 6922251 by 8) Press , then flip the calculator upside-down for the effects of the pills!
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Two Michigan robbers charged into a Detroit music store, waving their guns. “Nobody moves!” one of the robbers ordered. The second robber then moved – and the first shot him in the head. A Turkish farmer was taken to the hospital with severe stomach pains. The doctor then discovered that he had ingested pesticide. The Doctor however noticed that it was in too small an amount to be suicidal. So he asked the Farmer why he did so. The farmer…
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My grandfather, who had lived his whole 90 years in Boston, was admitted to the hospital with a serious infection. The situation worsened, and the doctors were very concerned for his life. The hospital priest went in to give Pop communion and asked if he would like to pray for “something.” Pop hesitated for a moment, then said that being in the bed had given him time to think about the truly important things in life, and yes he would…
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So this little, tiny guy walks into his doctor’s office screaming, “Doctor! Doctor! I think I’m shrinking!!!” The doctor says, “I have to deal with this other patient first and then I’ll get to you.” The little guy screams, “But doctor!! I’m SHRINKING!!” Exasperated, the doctor says, “Well I’m sorry, you’ll just have to be a little patient!”
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Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation and was about to close, the patient awakes, sits up, and demands to know what is going on. “I’m about to close,” the surgeon says. The patient grabs the surgeon’s hand and says, “I’m not going to let you do that! I’ll close my own incision!” The doctor hands him the needle and thread and says, “Suture self.”
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A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife is hard of hearing. The doctor suggests that he bring her in for an examination, but the man says she won’t come in. Man asks the doctor if there is something he can do. The doctor tells him to go home, and say something to his wife from far away, then keep moving closer until she hears him. When he discovers how close he needs to be for his…
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A professor teaching medicine is tutoring a class on ‘Observation.’ He then takes out a jar of yellow-colored liquid. “This,” he explains holding up the jar, “is urine. To be a good doctor, you have to be observant to color, smell, sight and taste.” After saying this, the professor dips his finger into the jar and puts it into his mouth. His class watches on, more in disgust than in amazement. But being the diligent students that they are, as…
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A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!” The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let’s have a word with him.” “Hi George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?” The greenskeeper replied, “Oh, yes,…
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This comic is driving hundreds of miles to a gig when his car goes out of control and flips over in a fiery crash. The comic gets thrown out across the highway where he is found by a doctor who happens along. As the doctor tries to help, he finds a business card with the agent’s number on it. The doctor calls the agent and says, “Yeah, I’ve got one of your comics here and he’s dying.” The agent says,…
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Stupid people should have to wear signs that say, “I’M STUPID!” That would save the rest of us “normal” folks a lot of headaches. We wouldn’t rely on them or expect much from them. It would be like, “Oh, excuse me. Never mind. I just noticed your sign.” It’s like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes, and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says, “Hey, you moving?”…
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