Dis Jokes - page 26

Acme Computerized Crystal Ball

A representative of the Acme Company was making a product presentation of the Acme Computerized Crystal Ball to an executive of a top marketing firm. The Acme representative was bragging that the Acme Computerized Crystal Ball could answer any questions about a person’s past, present and even future. Such claims, however, made the marketing executive very skeptical. Seeing the bored expression of the skeptical marketing executive, the Acme representative then requested the executive to try the Acme Computerized Crystal Ball.…

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Read JokeAcme Computerized Crystal Ball

What Makes You So Smart?

A customer at Green’s Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor’s quick wit and intelligence. “Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?” “I wouldn’t share my secret with just anyone, Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won’t hear. “But since you’re a good and faithful customer, I’ll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, and you’ll be positively brilliant!” “You sell them here?” the customer asks. “Yes. Only $4 apiece,” says Green.…

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The 25 Things I’ve Learned In Life…

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it. 2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time. 3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor. 4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment. 5. You should never say…

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Read JokeThe 25 Things I’ve Learned In Life…

Bad English

English in Non-English Speaking Countries! Examples of how English is being used in different parts of the world: In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis. In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In…

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Tyson’s Woes

Mike Tyson is in bed with a girl, and he says, “My life’s a disaster. I was born to an under-privileged family, had a rough childhood, I was thrown in jail for rape, my wife left me for beating her up, I’ve lost two world title fights, I’ve disgraced myself and my sport, they want to ban me for life, and Don King stole all my money. Nothing could make my life any worse.” The girl says, “I can say…

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Little Johnny’s Gender Lesson

One day, Little Johnny was home from school earlier than usual. Without a word, he handed his mother a note from the school principal. In the note, the principal wrote, “We are sending Johnny home early to prevent disrupting the class. Please educate him on the difference between male and female.” After reading the note, Little Johnny’s mother took him silently to her bedroom upstairs. When they were in the bedroom, Little Johnny’s mother said to him, “Little Johnny, take…

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A child of variety

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labor is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. “I’m afraid I don’t have a husband,” she replies. “OK, do you have a boyfriend?” asks the Midwife. “No, no boyfriend either.” “Do you have a partner then?” “No, I’m unattached; I’ll be having my baby on my own.” After the birth, the midwife again speaks to the young woman. “You have…

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A Better Perspective

Last week I went to a seminar called “Stress and Disease” by Dr. Nicholas Hall, an expert in psychobiology. He gave an example of a coping skill for job stress which I would like to share with you. When you have had one of those ‘TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT’ days, try this: On your way home after work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the section where they have thermometers. You will need to purchase a rectal…

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Pass it on!

I hope this makes sense for everyone on the need for clear and crisp communication and see the errors inherent in indirect communication. Hope we will be better communicators after we read this. ==================================== From : Managing Director To : Executive Director “Tomorrow morning there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o’clock. This is something which we cannot see everyday. So let the work-force line up outside, in their best clothes to watch it. To mark…

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True Golf Story

This really happened one day at our local Country Club… Harold, an elderly golfer who walked the course every day, walked off of the 18th green after experiencing a dismal round. A few Club Members were standing out behind the clubhouse and watched Harold walk past and down to the pond behind the clubhouse. Harold then took his bag of clubs and threw them as far as he could into the pond. He then turned around and made his way…

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Read JokeTrue Golf Story