Dis Jokes - page 23

Making fun of our Redneck Buddies…

You might be a redneck if: The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table…. in front of her kids. Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night. Jack Daniels makes your list of “Most Admired People.” You think…

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Read JokeMaking fun of our Redneck Buddies…

A Fixed Leg

I have a friend who always seemed to lean slightly to the left all the time. So I suggested he see a doctor and have his legs checked out. For years, he refused…told me I was crazy! But last week, he finally went and, sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was a quarter of an inch shorter than his right. After a quick bit of orthopedic surgery, he was cured, and both legs are exactly the same length…

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Read JokeA Fixed Leg

Parrot on Titanic

Mrs. VanAstor was seated beside her luggage in the First Class Passenger waiting room beside the pier at South Hampton, preparing to board the HMS Titanic when a British sailor approached her with a parrot. “Excuse me, Mum,” said the limey, “but Butch, that’s me parrot here, we wuz lookin forward to visitin the Colonies but I wuz just told they had enuff staff and I’m not needed, and Butch is terrible disappointed. Would you mind takin him with you?…

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Read JokeParrot on Titanic

Girls with college boyfriends!

One day a girl went to the doctor’s office to get a physical. When she took off her shirt the doctor noticed an “A” imprinted on her stomach. So, he said to the girl, “Why in the world is there an “A” on your stomach?” The girl replied, “Well, my boyfriend came home from Arizona State College to visit me, and we got at it so hard his sweatshirt left it on my stomach. The doctor was amazed!! Then, the…

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Read JokeGirls with college boyfriends!

Acts 2:38

A notorious burglar observes the day-to-day activities of an old lady who is living alone in an apartment as he waits for an opportunity to rob her place if she ever leaves. Sure enough when the old lady goes out to attend an early evening mass, the burglar goes into action and manages to break into her apartment. However, as the burglar is looking for anything to steal, the old lady unexpectedly comes back to the apartment as she forgets…

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Read JokeActs 2:38

Blonde’s Y2K Suggestion

During a staff meeting on the last working day of 1999, a manager was discussing the company’s preparedness for the Y2K roll-over. Worried that the company’s computers may fail when the year becomes 2000, the manager is requiring every engineer to report to work on first day of January to make sure the computers will not go crazy. His blonde secretary, who was taking down the minutes of the meeting, suddenly raised her hand excitedly and asked if she could…

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Read JokeBlonde’s Y2K Suggestion

A New Italian Opera!

CLINTON TRAGEDIO AMERICANO (Program notes translated by Rodgers Wood) Cast of Characters: Bill Clinton, tenor – philandering President of the United States Hillary Rodham Clinton, soprano – his long-suffering wife Monica Lewinsky, soprano – a conniving little White House intern Ken Starr, basso – puritanical special prosecutor Henry Hyde, basso – a true believer congressman Linda Tripp, contralto – double-crossing friend of Monica’s Paula Jones, contralto – a wild woman from Arkansas Sam Donaldson, baritone – a television news reporter…

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Read JokeA New Italian Opera!