Co ed Jokes - page 97

Unlucky dwarfs

Two dwarfs won the lottery and booked into a swank motel for a night of fun. They were down the lobby getting sloshed when a couple of prostitutes walked in and asked them if they wanted some action. “Sure do!” one proclaimed as they made their way up to the rooms. “See ya in the morning, mate,” the first dwarf said to the other as he put his arm around one of the prostitutes and went into his room. But…

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3 Beers for 3 Brothers

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time.” The Irishman replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One…

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The perfect gift idea

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. “If I lose this case, I’ll be ruined!” “It’s in the judge’s hands now,” said the lawyer. “Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?” “No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court.” Within the course of time, the judge rendered a…

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How Did You Do That?

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, “I’m here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.” “That’s quite a coincidence,” said the engineer. “I’m here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.” The lawyer thought for a second and then asked, “How do you start a flood?”

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The dangerous dog

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. “My wife,” the man replied. “I’m sorry,” said Bill, “What happened to her?” “My…

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Mega Novice #1

A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. How much total cash did he get from the drawer? $15. (If someone points a gun at you and…

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Identical Twins

Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce. “OK,” the judge said, “Tell the court why you want a divorce.” “Well, your honor,” Dan started, “Every once in a while my sister-in-law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are so identical looking, every once in a while I`d end up making love to her by mistake.” “Surely there must…

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Two questions

Two men are talking and the first one says, “You like riddles or quizzes?” The second guy replies, “Sure!” The first man says, “Well, I have a two-question quiz for you. One question is super easy to answer, while the other one is very difficult. If you answer only ONE question correctly, I will pay you $500. Answer BOTH correctly and you will receive $1,000 from me. Does that interest you?” “Yes!” said the other man. “OK,” continues the first,…

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