Co ed Jokes - page 317

The Mud Hole

A horse and a chicken became very good friends on a large South Dakota ranch. One day, the horse and the chicken went for a walk and all of a sudden the horse found himself stuck in a good size mud hole and could not free himself. So he told the chicken to run back to the barn and get the farmer because he was begining to sink. So the chicken ran back to the farm but could not find…

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Viagra line (Men’s Version)

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today’s society….. DIRECTRA: a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent. PROJECTRA: men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting…

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Moses Meets Bush

Within his few months of eternity, George Bush finds Moses walking the streets of gold. Thinking to himself: “It would be interesting to compare notes, head-of-state to head-of-state.” He approaches Moses. Moses sees him coming, turns white and runs the other way! Puzzled by this reaction, George goes on his way in paradise. A few hundred years pass, and George Bush again sees Moses walking the streets of Gold. This time he is able to stand right beside Moses before…

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Lenin In Poland

During the glorious days of communism, to commemorate the visit of the Soviet President Andropov to Poland, the head of the Polish Communist Party commissioned a popular Warsaw artist for an oil painting celebrating the historical visit of Lenin to Poland. The piece was to be entitled “Lenin In Poland.” Now this artist hated the Poland Communist Party and therefore also detested Lenin more so but since the pay was lucrative, he decided to accept the commission. Since there was…

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The Amazing Goldstein!

A traveling salesman visits to a small town in the Midwest and sees a circus banner reading, “Don’t miss the Amazing Goldstein!” Curious, he buys a ticket and sits through the usual circus acts. Animals, clowns, contortionists, and other questionable acts. Finally the trumpets blare and all eyes turn to the center ring. There in the middle of the ring is a table with three walnuts on it. In comes a little old Jewish man, five feet tall and barely…

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Little Known Facts

Did you know that.. The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it. The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night. Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn’t wear pants. Marilyn Monroe had six toes. If you keep a goldfish in a dark room it will eventually turn white. The names of all the continents start with the same letter that they end with. If the population of China walked past you in…

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10 notes on Dieting

1. If you eat something, but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda. 3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count as long as you don’t eat more than they do. 4. Foods used for medicinal purposes never count. e.g. hot chocolate, brandy, toast, Sara Lee cheesecake. 5. If you fatten…

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How to get a FREE MEAL!

Follow the instructions demonstrated in the dialogue shown, and YOU can get a free meal. No law-breaking is involved. This incident really happened…. Enter any eating establishment, which does NOT have a dining counter. Here’s how the conversation with the host/hostess MIGHT proceed: “I’d like to sit at the counter.” “I’m sorry, Sir, but we don’t have a counter.” “Yes you do.” “No, I’m sorry, but we do not.” “You have no counter at all, in this establishment?” “No Sir,…

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What are you really saying

Mens Guide to what Women are really saying. —————————————- “We need” = “I want” “It’s your decision ” = “The correct decision should be obvious by now.” “Do what you want” = “You’ll pay for this later.” “We need to talk” = “I need to complain” “I’m not upset” = “Of course I’m upset, you moron!” “You’re so… manly” = “You need a shave and you sweat a lot.” “Be romantic, turn out the lights.” = “I have flabby thighs.”…

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An interview with a very important man!

I recently had the honour of interviewing the Prime Minister of Britain. Here is than interview PM: Could you please untie me? (coughs loudly) Me: Perhaps later. What exactly is wrong with you? PM: I think I’ve caught the flu from the president. Me: So you’ve been kissing him again? PM: No! Me: So you’ve stopped kissing him then? PM: No! Er I mean yes, I mean-… Me: (interrupting) Is your relationship serious? PM: No, I didn’t mean that? Me:…

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Read JokeAn interview with a very important man!