Co ed Jokes - page 279

Two Missionaries In Hot Water

In the deepest jungles of Africa, two missionaries were seized by a tribe of hostile cannibals. The cannibals then stripped the missionaries of their clothing, hogtied them and threw them into a large vat of hot boiling water over an open fire with the intention of boiling them alive. As the missionaries kept praying for a miracle, one of them suddenly burst out laughing. This made the other missionary so confused by his companion’s sudden burst of laughter that he…

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Stupid Car Accident Excuses

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions. I thought my window was down, but found out it was up when I put my hand through it. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. The guy was all…

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A Farmer’s Punishment

There is a boy who lives on the farm and every morning he goes out to do his chores. The boy goes out to milk the cows, once he milks them he kicks the cows in the head. Then the boy goes out to feed the pigs, he feeds them and then kicks the pigs in the head also. The last he goes to the chickens and kicks them in the heads as well then takes their eggs. Now he…

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Monopoly Fun Facts

Warning: Some of these facts may have expired. Was written in 1995. Also, this is VERY long, but PLEASE read it all… Q. What was the longest MONOPOLY game ever? A. 70 days Q. How many little green houses have been built since the MONOPOLY game began? A. Approximately 5.1 Billion Q. What is the longest MOMOPOLY game ever played upside down? A. 36 hours Q. What’s the most frequently rolled number with the dice? A. 7 Q. What’s the…

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The Tridds

Once upon a time there was a race of small creatures who lived at the base of a huge mountain. They called themselves Tridds. The Tridds had one major problem in their lives in that on the summit of their mountain lived a monster. They tried to make friends with the monster but he always kicked them off the mountain. One day a traveling rabbi passed their way. (There had to be a rabbi.) The Tridds asked the rabbi to…

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Easy Way Of Writing Home

Dear Parent(s), I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us. Please send: __ Money (Cash)! Amount: $_______ __ Food (Cookies)! Dozens: ________ __ Clean clothes! Relationships: __ What? __ I am in love with myself __ I am in love! __ I am engaged __ I got married last weekend My Roommate: __ Worships the ground I walk on __ Gave me a black eye __ Committed suicide…

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Gambling

A fellow was about to enter a bar when a dog said to him, “Hey, mister! Wanna make some quick money?” The man couldn’t believe his ears. He said to the dog, “Can you talk?” “Yeah,” the dog answered, “and that’s how we can pick up some easy money. You take me into the bar with you, pretend I’m your dog, and bet everybody I can talk.” The fellow thought that was a great idea, so he took the dog…

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Irate Employer

Mr. Swiller was known far and wide as a hard-nose boss who watched his employees like a hawk. He was making one of his regular tours of the factory when he spotted a young man leaning against a pile of boxes just outside the foreman’s office. Since George, the foreman, wasn’t around, Swiller stood off to the side and watched to see just how long the young man would stand around doing nothing. The young man yawned, scratched his head,…

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Mommy’s White Hair

One day, a little girl is watching her mother load the dishwasher. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She asks her mother, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mommy?” Mommy replies, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me unhappy, one of my hairs turns turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for awhile and then asked, “Mommy, how come…

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Don’t Drink and Drive!

A bartender was cleaning off the counter when a man ran in out of breath. He then asked the bartender, “Quick, I’ve gotta know. How tall is a penguin?” The puzzled bartender replied, “What?!?” The man said, “PLEASE JUST TELL ME! How tall is a penguin?” The bartender then held up his hands and said, “Uhh, about this tall.” The man but his head down on the counter and said, “Ohh my God, I’ve run over a nun.”

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