Co ed Jokes - page 27

Rejected

One night as a couple lay down for bed, the husband taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says, “Honey, I’m sorry. I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to go to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again… This time he whispers in her ear, “Do you have a dentist appointment…

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What’s THAT Supposed to Mean???

When WOMEN say…… Yes = No No = Yes I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry. We need… = I want… It’s your decision = The decision I want you to make should be obvious to you by now. Do whatever you want = You’ll pay for it later. We need to talk = I need to complain. Sure, go ahead = You better not if you know what’s good for you. I’m NOT upset = Of course I’m upset, you…

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Corporate Buzzwords for 2000

Corporate Buzzwords for 2000 Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn’t work out obsessively. Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves. Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands. Cube Farm:…

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Wal-mart Dianogstic Computer

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe say’s to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.” “Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money.” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars…a lot cheaper than a doctor.” So Joe…

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Coat Ordeal

A young, frazzled mother stood inside the front door, her arms full of coats. Four small children scurried around her. Her husband, coming down the stairs with every hair in place, asked why she was just standing there. “Here,” she said, handing him the coats. “This time, YOU put the children into their coats, and I’ll go sit in the car and honk the horn.”

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New Cowboy Boots

An elderly couple is vacationing in the West. Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into their room and says to his wife, “Notice anything different, Bessie?” Bessie looks him over, “Nope.” Sam says excitedly, “Come on, Bessie, take a good look. Notice anything different about me?” Bessie looks again, “Nope.” Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back…

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One Tough Cookie!

The two Uranians landed in the desert, and , leaving their saucer hidden beneath a dune, they go exploring. The first sign of civilization they spot is a service station, and approaching warily, Commander Znugg says to Science Officer Ktoing, “Watch it, this is gonna be rough.” “How do you know? asked Ktoing. “Trust me, Znugg replied as they walked up to the nearest gas pump. Trying to sound as pleasant as possible, Znugg said, “Take me to your leader.”…

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Love Letter Code

This is a love letter from a boy to a girl…. However, the girl’s father does not like him and wants them stop the relationship…… Afraid that her father would intercept any messages, the boy wrote this letter to the little girl. 1 “The great love that I have for you 2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you 3 grows every day. When I see you, 4 I do not even like your face; 5 the one…

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Killed a Pig

Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Bill told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About 1 hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn. “What happened to you?”…

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The Couple in Heaven

An 85-year-old couple, after being happily married for almost 60 years, died together in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to the wife’s interest in health food and proper diet. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their luxury mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bedroom suite and a fancy in-house jacuzzi. The old man asked St. Peter how much all this was…

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