Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Dear John, I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. It was the stupidest thing that I have ever done in my life. I didn’t realize how much I loved you until we were apart! Won’t you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool, nobody can take your place. I love you with all my heart! All my love, Sally xxxxoooxxxx P.S. Congratulations on winning this week’s lottery.
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A woman went to see her doctor about a problem–her husband’s snoring. “Isn’t there anything you can do, Doctor?” “Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really quite expensive. It will cost $1000 down, with payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras.” “My goodness!” the woman exclaimed, “sounds like leasing a new sports car!” “Hmmm,” the doctor murmured, “guess I was too obvious, huh?”
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Luigi and his cousin Mario were standing on the hills of Italy overlooking the sea. Luigi says to Mario, “Do you see the docks on the edge of the sea? I Luigi built all of those wonderful docks. Do they call me Luigi the dock builder? No. Do you see all of the beautiful ships on the water? I Luigi built those ships. Do they call me Luigi the ship builder? No! Do you see all of the beautiful mansions…
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Two people in their mid-seventies have been seeing each other socially for nearly two years. They have even traveled together but always took separate hotel rooms. One evening at dinner, old Bert says to Edna, “I been thinking, and we’re wasting a heluva lot of money. We pay rent on two apartments, insurance on two cars, two cable bills, two phones…there ain’t no end to it.” “What are you saying, Bert?” asks Edna sweetly. “Hell, we should move in together”…
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A Jewish guy called Jacob finds himself in dire straits. His business has gone bust and he is in serious financial difficulty. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes to the synagogue and begins to pray, “God please help me, I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto.” Lotto nite comes and someone else has won. Jacob…
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When I arrived for my daughter’s parent-teacher conference, the teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she started telling me that my little girl didn’t always pay attention in class and was sometimes a little flighty. “For example she’ll do the wrong page in the workbook,” the teacher explained, “and I’ve even found her sitting in the wrong desk.” “I don’t understand that,” I replied, defensively. “Where could she have gotten that?” The teacher went on to reassure me that…
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Jolene had been wanting new kitchen cabinets for a long time, but her husband insisted they were an extravagance. She went to visit her mother for two weeks, and when she returned, she was overjoyed to find that beautiful, new cabinets had been installed. A few days later, a neighbor came over to visit. After admiring the new cabinets, the neighbor added, “All of us were so glad that the fire your husband had while you were gone was confined…
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In the rest room, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side by side using the urinal. The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands…clear up to his elbows…he used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men who were watching him and commented, “I graduated from the University of Michigan, and we were taught be clean! The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips…
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Two altar boys walked out of the back door of a church, stripped down naked, and jumped in, head first, to a pile of snow, and slid down the hill to the parking lot. A man who just parked his car in the parking lot demanded to know what was going on. One boy said, “It’s OK. Father Flanagan likes to have a couple cold ones after mass”.
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Sign on restaurant window: Great food (50,000 flies can’t be wrong) Sign on an airport runway: All baggage carts must yield to oncoming planes. Sign at the Pavlov Institute: Knock: Please don’t ring bell. Sign at a crematorium: Urn more. Pay less. Sign in a 1 hour eyeglass store: 20/20 in 60 Minutes. Sign in a funeral parlor: Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back. Grave digger’s motto: We are the last ones to put you down. Sign in a dentist’s…
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