Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A new blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, “Robert doesn’t appreciate what I do for him.” “Now, now,” her mother comforted, “I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.” “No, Mother,” the young woman laments. “I bought a frozen turkey loaf, and he yelled at about the price.” “Well, that surely is being miserly,” the mother agreed. “Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars.” “No, Mother, it wasn’t the price of the turkey roll. It…
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She does not: Get PMS She becomes: HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL She does not have: A Killer Body She is: GEOMETRICALLY SUPERIOR She is not: A Bad Cook She is: MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE She is not: A Bad Driver She is: AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED She is not: Easy She is: HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE She does not: Cut You Off She becomes: HORIZONTALLY INACCESSIBLE She is not: Hooked On Soap Operas She is: MELODRAMATICALLY FIXATED She does not: Wear Too Much Make-Up She is: COSMETICALLY OVERSATURATED…
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Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. “Doctor,” he said, “I need you to cut off my dog’s tail.” The vet stepped back and said, “Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?” Bert said, “Because my mother-in-law’s arriving tomorrow, and I don’t want anything to make her think she’s welcome.”
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Subject: phrases you wish you could say at work 1. Ahhh…I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again… 2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is never good for you? 4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. 5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me. 6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try…
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Tips on becoming a serious Computer Gamer. -Written by residents of the Arizona mental health facility. 1. Ignore all family and friends: They will only get in the way. The computer is your friend, your mentor, and your leader. Try giving it a name, and draw a face on it for personality. 2. Become totally immersed in the world of games: When you can’t remember if your algebra homework was to finish page 30 in the book, or rescue the…
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One day a hillbilly walks into a police station because he wants to get a job as a deputy, which he’s wanted to be his whole life. So he goes over to the sheriff’s desk and says to the sheriff,”I’m hear to be a deputy.” The sheriff laughs and says, “Well lets see if you’re qualified, son.” The sheriff asks him a question and the hillbilly gives him an answer. The sheriff says, “Close enough.” The sheriff then asks him,…
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A guy gets shipwrecked. When he wakes up, he’s on a beach. The sand is purple. He can’t believe it. The sky is purple. He walks around a bit and sees that there is purple grass, purple birds and purple fruit on the purple trees. He’s shocked when he finds that his skin is starting to turn purple, too. “Oh NO!” he says, “I think I’ve been marooned!”
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A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died. Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he struggled to find appropriate words and said, “I know this must be a very hard time, Mrs. Jones. But we must remember that what we see here is the husk only, the shell–the nut has already gone to Heaven.” “Ohhh, then you DID know…
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She is not: An airhead She is: Reality Impaired She is not: A Bleached Blonde She is: Peroxide Dependent She is not: A babe or chick She is: A Breasted American She does not have: Major league hooters She is: Pectorally Superior She does not have: A Great Tan She is: Pigmentally Enhanced You do not want to: Score or pick her up You want to: Attempt a Horizontal Encounter She is not: A perfect 10 She is: Numerically Superior…
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“Daddy, where did I come from?” the seven-year-old asked. It was a moment for which her parents had carefully prepared. They took her into the living room, got out the encyclopedia and several other books, and explained all they thought she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproduction. Then they both sat back and smiled contentedly. “Does that answer your question?” her father asked. “Not really,” the little girl said. “Judy said she came from Detroit. I want…
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