Co ed Jokes - page 167

Choose how to die

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by a fierce Indian tribe. The chief comes to them and says, “The bad news is now that we’ve caught you, we’re going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die.” The Frenchman says, “I take ze poison.” The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, “Vive la France!” and drinks it down.…

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Dumb Luck?!?

After a night on the town with his buddies and a few too many drinks, Tom foolishly offers to give everyone a lift home. As Tom is driving down the freeway, his friend yells out that he has missed the exit. “No problem,” says Tom as he puts the car in reverse and begins reversing — straight into another car. Wouldn’t you know it but 10 seconds later a police officer drives up. The officer approaches the other car first…

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Hanky-Panky

A blonde was speeding down the highway when she was stopped by an officer. “Please, officer, let me go!” she cried. Admiring the blonde’s body, the officer said, “I’ll only let you go if you give me a little hanky-panky.” Confused, the blonde asked, “Which TeleTubby is that?”

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A day at the park

Three elderly ladies are sitting on a park bench feeding the pigeons. Suddenly, a flasher runs up, stands in front of them and opens his coat, exposing his naked body. The first elderly lady had a stroke. The second elderly lady also had a stroke. But the third elderly lady couldn’t quite reach it.

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a guy and an alien at a bar

There is a guy sitting at a bar. After a little bit, an alien walks in and sits next to him. The alien has a few drinks and leans over to the guy and touches him with his finger and says “zap.” The guy ignores him the first couple of times. After a while though, he starts to get annoyed. First he asks the alien to stop, then starts demanding, then the guy threatens to pull the alien’s pants down…

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18 bottles of Whisky

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar, and my wife insisted I empty the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else. After careful consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. Then, I withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of…

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the mummy

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural history museum. “I’ve just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!” the excited scientist exclaimed. To which the curator replied, “Bring him in. We’ll check it out.” A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. “You were right about the mummy’s age and…

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Trip to Heaven

Looking for a place to sit down, a drunk wandered into a church during Sunday services just as the priest was asking, “Who wants to go to Heaven?” The entire congregation waved their hands in the air and responded, “I do, I do!” The drunk began to raise his hand, looked around, and then lowered his hand. Later in his sermon, the priest asked again, “Who wants to go to Heaven?” The entire congregation again answered, “I do, I do!”…

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Read JokeTrip to Heaven