Co ed Jokes - page 145

Scuba Diving

The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door. “We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.” “Well, tell me!” the man said. The policeman said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?” Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the…

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Only Chance

Every Saturday morning, Grandpa Walt found himself babysitting his three grandchildren…all boys. The kids always wanted to play “war,” and Grandpa somehow always got coaxed into the game. His daughter came to pick up the boys early one Saturday and witnessed Grandpa taking a fake shot as Jason pointed a toy gun and yelled, “Bang!” Grandpa slumped to the floor and stayed there, motionless. His daughter rushed over to see if he was all right. Grandpa open one eye and…

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Smuggling

A suspicious looking man drove up to the border where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams. “What’s in here?” he asked. “Dirt,” the driver replied. “Take them out,” the guard ordered. “I want to check them out.” Obligingly, the man removed the bags, and, sure enough, each one of them contained nothing more than dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go. For…

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Dirty Law Terms?

10. Have you looked through her briefs? 9. He is one hard judge! 8. Counselor, let’s do it in chambers. 7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute. 6. Is it a penal offense? 5. Better leave the handcuffs on. 4. For $200.00, she better be good! 3. Can you get him to drop his suit? 2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could. 1. Think you can get me off?

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pretty lady and pastor

A PRETTY GIRL WENT TO CHURCH FOR CONFESION. THE PRIEST ASKED HER, “WHAT IS THE MATTER.” SHE THEN SAID, “MY BOYFRIEND DID SOMETHING BAD TO ME.” THE PASTOR NOW KISSED HER AND SAID. “DID HE DO THIS TO YOU?” SHE SAID, “NO” HE HUGGED HER AND ASKED, “DID HE DO THIS TO YOU?” SHE SAID, “NO.” HE NOW PULLED OFF HER CLOTHES AND ASKED, “DID HE DO THIS TO YOU?” SHE SAID, “NO.” HE NOW MADE LOVE TO HER AND…

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Italian Moms Shout

Three Italian mothers were attending a football game. Each had a son playing on the same team. At the start of the game, the first boy saw his opportunity, grabbed the ball and running quickly, out-foxed the opposing team, making the first touchdown. His mother, obviously proud of her son, sprang from the bleachers, shouting in her broken Italian accent, “Thatsa *my* boy! I raised him onna de Pet milk. Ain’t he-a Peach?” Soon, the second boy received the ball…

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A child of variety

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labor is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. “I’m afraid I don’t have a husband,” she replies. “OK, do you have a boyfriend?” asks the Midwife. “No, no boyfriend either.” “Do you have a partner then?” “No, I’m unattached; I’ll be having my baby on my own.” After the birth, the midwife again speaks to the young woman. “You have…

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Bad Timing

It was early one Saturday morning. A friend of mine called to warn me of a group of Jehovah Witnesses working our neighborhood. I thought it would be funny if I appeared at the door totally nude and holding a beer. I looked out the window and saw a man in a suit, a well-dressed woman and two young girls carrying what looked like a bag. As soon as the doorbell rang, I opened it. Acting very drunk, I asked…

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The Birthday Present

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart for Christmas, and as they had not been dating very long, he decided a pair of gloves would be appropriate… romantic but not too intimate. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to Saks and bought a pair of white gloves. The younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items, and the sister got the gloves and…

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Advice for Yankees

Tips For Yankees 1.) Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it. 2.) If you forget a Southerner’s name, refer to him (or her) as Bubba. You have a 50% of being right. 3.) Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows. 4.) If you do run your car in a ditch, don’t panic. Four men…

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