Car one Jokes - page 56

Fast Bill

Bill rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Bill smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it’s quite obvious that she has nothing under the robe. Poor Bill breaks out into a sweat trying…

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Joke on the Boss

At the annual company Christmas party, the staff decided to play a practical joke on their boss. When he went to the restroom, they (with his wife) went through his coat pockets and found his LOTTO ticket. Then they wrote down his numbers and called the waitress over to set up a little prank. She came back half an hour later and asked if anyone wanted to know the night’s winning LOTTO numbers. She then proceeded to read them out…

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In Your Dreams, Buddy

THE PERFECT WOMAN 1. I wanna swallow it all…I love the taste. 2. Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink? 3. I’m bored. Wanna shave my pussy? 4. Shouldn’t you be down at the bar with your buddies? 5. That was a great fart. Do another. 6. I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes around the house. 7. You’re soooo sexy when you’re hungover. 8. I’d rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping. 9. Let’s subscribe…

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Law Abiding Citizen

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to…

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Home Economics – Then and Now

The following is from an ACTUAL 1950’s Home Economics textbook for High School girls, teaching them how to prepare for married life. 1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal – on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the propects of a good meal are part of the…

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The Nativity Scene

A visitor in a small Southern town comes across a beautiful Nativity scene. It was obvious that great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothers the man – the three wise men are wearing firefighters helmets. Unable to come up with a reason or an explanation, the visitor gets in his car and heads out of town. At a Quik Stop on the edge of town, he stops and asks the lady behind the counter…

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Top ten sign’s your at a Redneck wedding

Top ten sign’s your at a Redneck wedding… 10. Rehearsal dinner held at hooters 9. Instead of friends of the Bride, friends of the Groom, Usher’s ask Ford or Chevy 8. Bride’s maid’s pink tub top’s, Bride’s Groom’s Travis Tritt T-shirt’s 7. Phrase “i do” replaced with phrase “I herd dat!” 6. The “Wedding March” song performed by Hank Williams Jr. 5. Minster asked “Who giveth this woman to be married” some guy in the back stand’s up and yell’s…

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Home Coming

Several years ago, I returned home from a business trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 AM, I found my two children in bed with my wife, Stacey, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night. The next day, I talked to the kids, explaining that it was “OK” to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad,…

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Paddy and the Hose!

Paddy goes to a carpenter, “Can you build me a box that’s two inches high, two inches wide and 50 feet long?” “Well,” said the carpenter, “it could me done, I suppose, but what would you want a box like that for?” “Well,” said the Polak, “a neighbour moved away and forgot some things. So he’s asked me to send him his garden hose.”

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Nude Tiptoer

A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband when she came home around 11:30. So she decided to be considerate and not rouse him this time. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom, only to find him sitting up in bed, reading. “My Gawd!” he exclaimed. “Did you lose EVERYTHING?!?”

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