Bu Jokes - page 99

Funny epitaphs

These epitaphs were taken from actual tombstones: On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia: “Here lies Ezekial Aikle Age 102 The Good Die Young.” In a London, England cemetery: “Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid, But died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767” In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: “The children of Israel wanted bread And the Lord sent them manna, Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna.”…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeFunny epitaphs

Bill Gates VS Pearly Gates

Well it came to pass, that the richest man in the world had finally expired. Bill Gates shows up one fine heavenly day at the Pearly Gates and beckons on St. Peter… ST. PETE: “Well Mr. Gates, it appears there has been a mistake here, I don’t see your name on the list. BILL: “Are you sure, search again” ST. PETE:” OK, let’s see, theres, Jobs, Woz, Ellison, Clark, NOPE! No Gates!” “Sorry, Mr. Gates but unfortunately money can’t buy…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeBill Gates VS Pearly Gates

The Duel

A duel was fought between Alexander Shott and John Nott. Nott was shot and Shott was not. In this case it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some said that Nott was not shot. But Shott says that he shot Nott. It may be that the shot Shott shot, shot Nott, or it may be possible that the shot Shott shot, shot Shott himself. We think, however, that the shot Shott shot, shot not Shott, but Nott. Anyway it…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe Duel

Guyness Quiz

Guyness Quiz Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your Guyness Quotient 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to: a.…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeGuyness Quiz

Papal Advice

The new priest is a little nervous about hearing the confessions, but the older priest encourages him to give it a try. The new priest listens to a few, and then the older priest pulls him out of the confessional, saying, “Why don’t you try to do this, cross your arms, rub your chin, and say things like ‘Yes, I see’ and ‘Go on, my child.’” The new priest does this. then the older priest says to him, “Now, don’t…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokePapal Advice

Lifes Lesson

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room’s only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeLifes Lesson

Atomic War

Joe, a small young businessman was having a conversation with a large construction worker. It was about what would they would do if an atomic war had been declared and they only had twenty minutes to live. The construction worker said that he would fuck anything that moved. He then asked Joe what he would do. Joe replied, “I would stand perfectly still.”

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeAtomic War

Y2K Backup System

While we believe we will be fully Y2K compliant by January 1, 2000, and most of our subsidiary units and contractors claim they will also be fully compliant, we obviously need to make some preparations in case unexpected challenges impair our ability to meet the needs of our customers. Enclosed with this memo is a “Y2K Backup System” device designed to meet short time emergency needs in case of a computer operations failure, or operational delay. This device is the…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeY2K Backup System

I need it bad!

I know I haven’t known you very long, and I shouldn’t be asking you for this so soon, but I really need it badly. I haven’t’ had it for a while going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft. If you would do this for me no one would ever know. and I’d be very grateful if you would. I am very desperate and I need your help. You must think by now, that I have a…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeI need it bad!