Bu Jokes - page 100

Farmer’s daughters

A farmer has finally decided to let his three daughters start dating. But he tells them he has to meet each boy when they come to pick them up. The first boy arrives, and the farmer is on the porch holding a shotgun. The farmer says, “Who are you?” The boy responds, “Hi, my name is Eddie, I came to pick up Betty. We’re going out to get some spaghetti, is she ready?” The farmer says she is and they…

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A Desperate Plea For Help

A big, burly man visited the pastor’s home and asked to see the minister’s wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses. “Madam,” he said in a broken voice, “I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent,…

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Free Heaven

An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercising. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and a Jacuzzi. As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost.…

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Plane Crash

A search and rescue team had been assembled and sent on a mission to find an airplane that had crashed on top of a mountain. It was their duty to rescue any survivors. After finally reaching the top of the mountain, they came upon the crash site. At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of there bones, he noticed the rescue…

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You know you’ve been online too long when…

Tech Support calls “YOU” for help. When you are reading something printed, you wish you could use a search function to get to the point. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say “LOL.” When you reply to someone verbally, your fingers start typing your response. You check your e-mail over and over, even when you know there’s nothing there. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on. You have called out someone’s screen name while making…

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You might be a redneck if……

1) You might be a redneck if your family reunion is held at a rest area. 2) If your wife says “Billy-Bob, take the carburetor out of the car so I can take a bath,” you might be a redneck. 3) If you think the last three words of the national anthem is “start your engines.” 3) You might be a redneck if your family is half your town’s population! 4) You might be a redneck if you want to…

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Kiwi Joke

Two Kiwi’s are working on a building site in Auckland. Phul (Phil) & Muck (Mick). Anyway Phul turns to Muck & says, “Cawww I’ve gotta take a piss, but there’s nowhere to go, eh.” “Walk out to the ind of thit plank,” replies Muck. “I’ll stand on this ind & balance ut.” “Are you sure, Muck?” “Yis, no worries” “100%?” “YIS!” So out goes Phul to take a piss & the lunch siren sounds, Muck forgets what he’s supposed to…

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$70 Withdrawal

See there was these three guys in a strip joint. There was a lawyer, policeman, and a banker. There was a lady dancing in front of them. So the lawyer said ” Watch this!” He grabbed a 20 dollar bill and licked it and put it on her left butt cheek and she started to dance for him. So the policeman said “No watch this!” He grabbed a 50 dollar bill and licked it and put it on her left…

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PROM DRESS

Julie Adams had just turned Sweet Sixteen and was praying that Jeff would ask her to the Junior Prom. When he finally did, it was the happiest day in her life. She told her mother she would need a strapless dress for the Prom, so Mrs. Adams loaned Julie her credit card and sent her off to Gowns Unlimited for the purchase. Julie picked up her new dress the morning of the Prom and it was perfect. Her only concern…

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The Usual Suspects

It’s a murder mystery. Can you finger the perpetrator? A workman was killed at a construction site. The police began questioning a number of the other fellow workers. Based on past scrapes with the law, many of the following workers were considered prime suspects: * The electrician was suspected of wiretapping once but was never charged. * The carpenter thought he was a stud. He tried to frame another man one time. * The glazier went to great panes to…

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