Bu Jokes - page 188

Pee in a Cup

Q- How does a turtle carry a fox, an egg and a chicken over a bridge, without the fox eating the chicken and the chicken eating corn? A- The turtle carries the chicken over first. Then it carries the corn over, but brings the chicken back. Then leaves the chicken and carries the wolf over. Then it carries the chicken over.

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A Memory To Remember!

So this reporter checks in at some old hotel smack in middle of nowhere. Coming into the lobby, he is confronted with the strange sight of an old Indian, whittling stick, long black hair, reddish skin, sitting on one of the chairs as if he intends never to get up. “That’s Old Chief Forget-Me-Not,” whispers the man behind the desk reverently, “he is allowed to stay here for free because he let me build my hotel on his reservation.” “Why…

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Please Stand Up!

A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. He was somewhat annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick, and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. “Here’s a copy of the service,” he said impatiently. “But you’ll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.”…

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Golfers

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent…

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Euro English…

EuroEnglish The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the first year, ‘s’ will be used instead of the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, sivil servants…

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Would You?

Joe: Why don’t you play golf with Bob anymore? Mike: Would you play with someone who curses after each shot, cheats in the bunkers and enters false scores on his card? Joe: No, of course not! Mike: Neither will Bob.

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toughest dad

Little Billy and Johnnie were arguing in school about who had the toughest Dad. Billy said his Dad was the toughest, but Johnnie said his Dad was tougher, cause he could eat light bulbs. Billy said, “How do you know your Dad eats light bulbs?” Johnnie said, “‘Cause I had to use the bathroom one night, and as I passed my mom and dad’s room, I heard Dad tell Mom…”CUT THE LIGHT OUT AND I WILL EAT IT…”

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Anti-Stress Diet for Women

This is a specially-formulated diet designed to help women cope with the stress that builds up during the day. BREAKFAST 1 grapefruit 1 slice whole-wheat toast 1 cup skim milk LUNCH Small portion lean, steamed chicken 1 cup of spinach 1 cup herbal tea 1 Hershey kiss AFTERNOON SNACK The rest of the kisses in the bag 1 tub of Hagen Daas ice cream with chocolate-chip topping DINNER 4 bottles of wine (red or white) 2 loaves garlic bread 1…

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