Bu Jokes - page 187

Slow or Stop?

One day a policeman stopped a motorist who had just gone through a four-way stop sign and was about to give him a ticket. The motorist said, “Officer, you can’t give me a ticket for that!” “Why not?” said the officer. “Because, although I did not stop completely, I slowed down a lot, and it’s almost the same.” “But the way was clear, and it was safe,” replied the motorist. The officer then pulls out his baton and starts hitting…

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Proctologist Exam

A man went into the proctologist’s office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes. When the man sat down in the examination room, he noticed that there were three items on a stand next to the doctor’s desk: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer. When the doctor came in, the man said, “Look Doc,…

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Stages for men and women

THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE AGE DRINK 17 beer 25 bourbon 35 vodka 48 double vodka 66 Maalox AGE SEDUCTION LINE 17 My parents are away for the weekend. 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend. 35 My fiancee is away for the weekend. 48 My wife is away for the weekend. 66 My second wife is dead. AGE FAVORITE SPORT 17 sex 25 sex 35 sex 48 sex 66 napping AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE 17 tongue…

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Little Johnny and Organs

“Good morning class! Today we are learning about human organs that come in pairs,” says the teacher. “For example, our eyes are organs and we have two, now give me some more examples. Let’s start with Linda.” “Ears!” says Linda excitedly. “Very good,” replies the teacher. “Michael?” “Balls,” replies Michael The teacher is a little surprised by Michael’s crudeness, but accepts his answer. “Yes, little Johnny?” “The penis,” says little Johnny. “Hey wait a minute, we only have one penis!”…

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Take your pick…

One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the pearly gates by St. Peter himself. “Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had an executive make it this far, and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”…

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Hunters

There were these three hunters that were fixing to go hunting in a familiar part of the woods. The first man set up while the other two still hunted. The first hunter was sitting in his tree when he got cold and sleepy. He got him a dip of Skoal and realized he had to take a shit. He didn’t want to climb down so he just shit over the side. He then fell asleep. The other two hunters killed…

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cojones

A man travels to Spain and goes to a Madrid restaurant for a late dinner. He orders the house special and he is brought a plate with potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects. “What’s this?” he asks. “Cojones, senor,” the waiter replies. “What are cojones?” the man asks. “Cojones,” the waiter explains, “are the testicles of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon.” At first the man is disgusted, but being the adventurous type, he decides to…

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3 Envelopes Of Advice

Mr. Johnson had been chosen by the board of a large software company as CEO. On the first day he took office as CEO, Mr. Johnson received three numbered envelopes and a note from the former CEO. In the note, the former CEO wished his successor good luck in running the company. Furthermore, the former CEO explained that he left these three envelopes containing advice. Each envelope should only be opened in the event of a crisis the company would…

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