Bu Jokes - page 170

Got gas?

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn’t really bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was farting because they don’t smell and are silent.” The doctor says, “I see. Here’s a prescription. Take these pills 3 times a day for seven…

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Parking Loan

A businessman walks into a bank in Boston and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls-Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for…

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OOOPSIE!

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. “Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a VERY sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?” “Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. “Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as…

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theories on anything

Subject: Theories on anything Date: 12/29/98 **************************************** A contest was held for people to submit their theories on just about any darned thing they wanted to. Below are the winners. **************************************** RUNNER-UP: Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people’s ear pressures, so they then yawn to even it out. RUNNER-UP: Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms…

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Reverse Roles

Mary was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman’s work! But one evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was…

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Codeword Spaghetti

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. One day she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a large sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. “But how will I let you know when the baby is born?” she asked. He replied, “Just send me a postcard and write ‘spaghetti’ on the back.” Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took…

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Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were ambushed by a band of outlaws. They fought the outlaws from behind large rocks as long as they could, but their ammunition was running low. The Lone Ranger finally sends Tonto into town to get help. Hours pass by and finally Tonto returns with a completely naked woman under his arm. The Lone Ranger shakes his head, slaps his forehead and says, “POSSE, Tonto – I said POSSE!!!!!”

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A New Stamp

When Bill Clinton completed five years of his Presidency, he wanted a special postage stamp issued with his picture on it. He so instructed Hillary, stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released, and Clinton was pleased. But, within a few days of release, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and he became furious. He called Hillary and ordered her to investigate the matter. Hillary checked at several post offices…

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Birth control method

There were several women sitting around talking at their weekly club meeting. The topic of birth control came up and they started comparing methods. The first woman said that she and her husband relied on the pill. It had been effective for them since they had started using it after their 4th child was born. The second woman said that she used the rhythm method. But she hated having to watch the calendar. The third woman said that she used…

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Puppies for Sale!

One day while Bill Clinton was doing his morning jogging he noticed a little boy standing outside the White House gates. As curiosity got the best of him, Bill jogged over to the gates to see what the little boy was doing. As he approached the gates Bill was taken by surprise when he noticed a sign saying “Democratic Dogs For Sale”. Bill asked the boy about the dogs he was trying to sell. “What’s up son?” Bill asked. To…

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