Blond Jokes - page 42

The Mistress

Doctor Goldstein and his wife are having dinner at an upscale restaurant when an attractive young blonde walks by, smiles at the doctor, and says “Hi, Sammy.” “Who the hell is THAT?” asks Sammy’s wife. “That’s my mistress,” Dr. Goldstein replies. “You have a MISTRESS? How long has this been going on?” asks his wife. “About five years,” says the doctor. “Five years? I’ll see a lawyer tomorrow and start a divorce. I’ll ruin you.” “Wait just a minute, honey.…

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The Sunbather

Gloria, a very attractive, very well built blonde, has decided to spend her vacation in Cancun this year to be near the beach. The first morning, she takes the elevator to the roof of the hotel where she covers herself with sunscreen and sunbathes in her bikini. That evening, she notices that the bikini has left a noticeable tan line. So the next morning, she puts on a terry robe and goes up to the roof without her bikini. She…

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Raffle Prizes

Bill, Michael and their blonde friend, Stacy, were in the pub enjoying a few quiet drinks one night, when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle. The bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was for charity. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize. Bill won the first prize: a whole year’s supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce. Michael won the second prize: a six month’s supply of gourmet spaghetti. Stacy won the…

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Special Sauce

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads: Hamburger: $1 Cheeseburger: $2 Handjob: $10 He beckons to an attractive blonde behind the counter. “Can I help you?” she asks with a knowing smile. “I was wondering,” whispers the man. ” Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” “Yes,” she purrs suductively. “I am.” “Well, wash your hands,” he says. I want a fucking cheeseburger.”

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Elevator Joke

A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, “T-G-I-F”. He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T.” She looked at him, puzzled, and said, “T-G-I-F” again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering, “S-H-I-T.” The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly “T-G-I-F” another time. The man smiled back to her…

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Cheating husband

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. Her husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, “Shut up…you’re next!”

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