Blond Jokes - page 35

boat trouble

Two blondes, Tina & Tanya, were out sailing one day when one of them noticed water coming up through a hole in the bottom of the boat. “The boat is leaking! Quick, do something!” Tina exclaimed. “No problem,” said Tanya, and she started making another hole right next to the first. “What on earth are you doing?” Tina asked. Tanya replied, “I’m making a hole for the water to drain out of.”

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A child of variety

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labor is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. “I’m afraid I don’t have a husband,” she replies. “OK, do you have a boyfriend?” asks the Midwife. “No, no boyfriend either.” “Do you have a partner then?” “No, I’m unattached; I’ll be having my baby on my own.” After the birth, the midwife again speaks to the young woman. “You have…

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tongue twister

A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him, “Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?” The other guy says, “Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with…

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Santa’s Really Bitter

T’was the night before Christmas – Old Santa was pissed. He cussed out the elves and threw down his list Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks I have good mind to scrap the whole works I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year Instead of “Thanks Santa” – what do I hear The old lady bitches cause I work late at night The elves want more money – The reindeer all fight Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the…

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Cattle Ranch

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 and goes to Texas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull. “It’s the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it.” She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office…

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I won!

A blonde goes to a restaurant, buys a coffee a sits down to drinking it. She looks on the side of her cup and finds a peal off prize. She pull off the tab and yells, “I WON! I WON! I WONa motor home; I WON a motor home!” The waitress runs over and says, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize given away was a mini van!” The blonde replies, “No. I WON A motor home, I WON a motor home!”…

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Come to Me

Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Sharon sprays the contents on her wrist and smells it, “That’s quite nice, don’t you think, Tracy?” “Yeah, Sharon. What’s it called ?” “Viens a moi.” “Viens a moi? What does that mean?” At this stage the store clerk offers some help. “Viens a moi, ladies, is French for ‘come to me.’” Sharon takes another sniff and offers her…

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