Bet Jokes - page 39

Kids’ Real Answers About Marriage

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? “You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.” Alan, age 10 “No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.” Kirsten, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE…

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Redneck Vasectomy

After having their 12th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough as they could not afford a larger double-wide. The husband then went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn’t want to have any more children but they couldn’t afford a costly operation, either. The doctor told him that there was a home procedure called a redneck vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb,…

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1500

Q: Whats the difference between the titanic and a blonde? A: Only 1500 people went down on the titanic!

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Top 10 things your driving instructor never taught you

10. Your car can actually go airborn when driving over hills at high speeds. 9. Never flip off the elderly, they may have heart conditions. 8. If you see a pedestrian crossing the road, do not speed up and take bets on whether they will make it or if they will have to run back. 7. If you have little kids in the car and you see a rabbit hopping across the road, do not speed up and say “wow…

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clinton stops traffic

A man in D.C. was driving home and got stuck in traffic. He said to himself, “This traffic is worse than normal, we just aren’t moving at all.” He sees a traffic cop walking down between the cars talking to the drivers, so he rolls down his window and asks what’s going on. The officer tells him, “Clinton’s lawyers have just agreed to make an out of court settlement to Paula Jones, without Clinton’s knowledge. Clinton’s just heard about it,…

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Bill Clinton’s Retirement Plans

Spend more quality time with Chelsea and her 13 half brothers and sisters. Tour the nations’ prisons to improve conditions. Visit friends while there. Write book: “The American Presidency: An Oral History.” Search for a new outlet for well-developed lying and cheating skills. Catch up on eight-year stack of “Penthouse.” Continue work counseling interns. Get to know those Bush girls better.

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Read JokeBill Clinton’s Retirement Plans

college life

Signs you’re in college: -You rarely have $5 in your pocket. -A grilled cheese sandwich is a major food group to you. -You have little or no idea what you want to do with your life. -There is drool damage in two or more of your textbooks. -Your body starts going through withdrawal, when you go more than two days w/o pizza. -Your computer costs more and runs better than your car. -Your history prof asks “Who was General Lee?”…

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