Bet Jokes - page 37

It’s Tough To Be A Guy…

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don’t work enough, you’re a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it’s exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your lazy butt and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it’s equal opportunity. If you mention how…

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Lemon Squeeze

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice would win the money. Many people had tried over time…(weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and…

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A True Marine

A wounded Marine limps into the bar and tells the bartender, “Give me a gin & tonic, a scotch & soda, a rum & coke and a Heineken.” The bartender looks a bit puzzled but, nonetheless, serves him his order. The Marine downs all four drinks, pays his tab and leaves. This goes on for a full week when the Marine enters again and orders up the usual. The bartender finally speaks up and says, “My God, man, I’ve seen…

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Hanson

Question: What’s the difference between running over a dog, and running over Hanson? Answer: You will stop before running over the dog!

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Here’s looking at you

An extremely well endowed receptionist was primly seated at the front desk of a leading provider of Internet services and help. As was the policy of the Company – there were no dress codes allowed. Knowing that she might be able to attract a future husband in this well situated position and knowing that she would not be chastised for her appearance, she elected to wear a rather low cut blouse when she was at work. One day a very…

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Weight-loss Program

A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. “Guaranteed like heck,” he thinks to himself, “But let’s see what they think they can do.” He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight loss program. The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he…

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