Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
It was a hot day in Mississippi and Helga, the family’s German housekeeper, had hung the wash outside to dry, baked a strudel and then went into town to pick up dry-cleaning and buy groceries. “Gootness zakes”, she thought to herself as she walked to the cleaners, “It sure iss hodt.” As she happened to pass a tavern, she pictured a frosty cold drink, so she went inside and sat down at the bar. “Afternoon, Maam,” smiled the friendly bartender.…
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Once I was caught by an eye-catching phase that said “Take A Chance”. It was on a small box that had a picture of a beautiful car so I immediately filled out the information on the card, folded it up and placed it in the box. The next thing I knew, I had extra charges on my phone bill and my long distance company had been changed. I immediately switched back and everytime I see one of those boxes, I…
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Henry Ford dies and goes to Heaven. At the gates, Gabriel tells him, “You’ve been such a good guy and your invention of the assembly line changed the lives of many people. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven.” Ford thinks about it and says, “I want to hang out with God.” The be-feathered fellow at the Pearly Gates takes him to the throne room and introduces him to God. Ford then asks…
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1. Everyone used to joke about a Starbucks on every corner, and now there is a Starbucks on every corner. 2. People mark December 31st on their calendar as “The End of the World.” 3. Gen-Xers trade their futons in for orthopedic support mattresses. 4. You realize a big family is inefficient and decide to downsize. 5. HBO introduces it’s new channel: HBO Pi – The channel that never repeats. 6. Movie promos brag, “Funniest Movie of the Millenium.” 7.…
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Dear Mom and Dad, Our scout master told us to write our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it all happened. Oh yes, please call Chad’s mother and tell her he is OK. He can’t write because of the cast. I…
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These two guys are sitting in a pub, getting hammered. One turns to the other and asks, “So, whe’re ya from?” “I’m from Dublin”, the other replies. “Dublin!, me *hic* too…bartender, get us a beer!” A moment later he asks again, “Where did ye *hic* go ta school?” The man answers, “St. Mary’s, *belch* graduated in ’46.” “St. Mary’s? 46!?”…exclaims the man, “Tarbender, *hic-belch* get us another beer!” “So, what part of Dublin did ya *belch* grow up in?” “The…
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The latest terms to add to your vocabulary in the Y2K office environment: * Seagull Manager – A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves. * Salmon day – The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end. * Chainsaw consultant – An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands. * CLM – Career…
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Jeff had been my best friend since kindergarten, so it was no surprise to me when he asked me to be the best man at his wedding. On the appointed day, as we were getting dressed for the ceremony, Jeff got a rather severe case of “cold feet.” “I can’t go through with it,” he said. “I’m nauseous, my stomach is cramping, and my knees are like spaghetti.” I said, “It’s just PMS.” “PMS?” he asked. “Yeah,” I quipped, “Pre-Marital…
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1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. 3. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal the neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it. 4. Sex is like air; it’s not important…
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In old Italy, a young couple had just gotten married and being without much money, they were staying at her Mama’s house. The young husband had arrived home early from the factory one day. He kissed his new wife and asked her to join him upstairs. The bride, being very shy, had never seen her husband naked during the daylight hours. She was nervous, but Mama, who was cooking spaghetti, told her to go up stairs and enjoy! Moments later,…
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