Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A drunk walks into a bar and orders a large beer. After a few moments he stands up and yells, “Attorney’s are assholes.” From the back of the room, another drunk stands up and says, “I resent that”. The first drunk says, “Are you an attorney?” The second drunk says, “No, I’m an asshole.”
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Things you shouldn’t say to a cop Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. And that hooker I met at the AIDS clinic said you were a nice guy. Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125mph to keep up with me! Good job! That uniform makes your ass look really big. Excuse me. Is “stick up” hyphenated? I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer. You don’t happen…
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The son of a Kentucky moonshiner wanted to go to college, but his father said, “No one in our family got past eighth grade, and we made out ok.” He finally agreed to send his son to college but gave him a warning to do well and learn as much as he could. When the son came home on Christmas vacation his father asked him what he learned. The son said had been taking remedial algebra. His father said, “Say…
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Ever wonder what it would be like if President Clinton had been born an American Indian Chief? He would most probably be known by the whole Indian tribe as “Chief Crazy Pants.” And his intern? She would most likely be some young Indian maiden named “Kneeling Fox.”
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“I’m going fishing.” Really means… “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.” “Let’s take your car.” Really means…. “Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas.” “Woman driver.” Really means…. “Someone who doesn’t speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me.” “I don’t care what color you paint the kitchen.”…
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Three men had gotten drunk one night, and they all somehow ended up naked in the same bed. They woke up the next morning confused, but the guy on the end, obviously still half-asleep, began to talk. “I had the best dream last night. I was making love to this gorgeous woman all night long. It was just awesome.” He began to go through the details, explaining what they did and what it was like. “Say,” he started, “What did…
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A employee was playing golf with his boss for a large bet, and had been waiting for a number of weeks for the game. He set himself up on the first tee and then on the nearby road a funeral went past, and so he took his hat off and bowed his head. His boss was suprised that his employee showed such a Christian side to himself especially as he was playing for a large bet. “That was kind of…
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A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to the alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical “dihydrogen monoxide.” The petition stated the following: 1. It can cause excessive sweating and vomiting. 2. It is…
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My son, Kenny, a kindergartner, practices spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom have been proudly displayed for all to see. One morning, while getting ready for the day, Kenny bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-D. “Look what I spelled, Mom!” Kenny exclaimed, a proud smile on his face. “That’s wonderful!” I praised him. “Now go put them on the fridge so Daddy can see…
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A doctor at an (insane) asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, “Up, nuts!” and the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, “Down, nuts!” and they all sat. After a home run he yelled, “Cheer, nuts!” and they all…
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