Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Joe, a small young businessman was having a conversation with a large construction worker. It was about what would they would do if an atomic war had been declared and they only had twenty minutes to live. The construction worker said that he would fuck anything that moved. He then asked Joe what he would do. Joe replied, “I would stand perfectly still.”
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While we believe we will be fully Y2K compliant by January 1, 2000, and most of our subsidiary units and contractors claim they will also be fully compliant, we obviously need to make some preparations in case unexpected challenges impair our ability to meet the needs of our customers. Enclosed with this memo is a “Y2K Backup System” device designed to meet short time emergency needs in case of a computer operations failure, or operational delay. This device is the…
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An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercising. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and a Jacuzzi. As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost.…
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A search and rescue team had been assembled and sent on a mission to find an airplane that had crashed on top of a mountain. It was their duty to rescue any survivors. After finally reaching the top of the mountain, they came upon the crash site. At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of there bones, he noticed the rescue…
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1) You might be a redneck if your family reunion is held at a rest area. 2) If your wife says “Billy-Bob, take the carburetor out of the car so I can take a bath,” you might be a redneck. 3) If you think the last three words of the national anthem is “start your engines.” 3) You might be a redneck if your family is half your town’s population! 4) You might be a redneck if you want to…
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Two Kiwi’s are working on a building site in Auckland. Phul (Phil) & Muck (Mick). Anyway Phul turns to Muck & says, “Cawww I’ve gotta take a piss, but there’s nowhere to go, eh.” “Walk out to the ind of thit plank,” replies Muck. “I’ll stand on this ind & balance ut.” “Are you sure, Muck?” “Yis, no worries” “100%?” “YIS!” So out goes Phul to take a piss & the lunch siren sounds, Muck forgets what he’s supposed to…
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BEST MAN FOR THE JOB It is time to elect a world leader, and your vote counts. Here’s the scoop on the three leading candidates. Candidate A: associates with ward heelers and consults with astrologists. He’s had two mistresses. He chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day. Candidate B: was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of brandy every evening. Candidate C: is a decorated war hero.…
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1. Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is. 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. 3. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter…
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A fire started on some grassland near a farm. The county fire department was called to put the fire out, but it was more than the county fire department could handle. Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called. So the call was made. The volunteers arrived in a old, delapidated fire truck. They rumbled straight towards the fire and stopped right in the middle of the flames. The firemen quickly jumped off the truck and frantically began spraying…
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“Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time.” “Learn from Your Parents’ Mistakes — Use Birth Control” “My Designated Driver Drove Me to Drink” (Over a sketch of the Titanic) “The Boat Sank. Get Over It” “I Didn’t Drive My Husband Crazy — I Flew Him There — It Was Faster” “Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups” “Aunt Em: Hate You. Hate Kansas. Taking the Dog. Dorothy” “MEN: No Shirts,…
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