Bee bee Jokes - page 28

Best Emergency Room Stories

Believe Them…Or Not AUGUSTA, ME – Four people were injured in a string of bizarre accidents. Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying masonry, Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his chest, arms and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and Pamela Klesick’s first two fingers of her right hand had been bitten off. Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first day of work and,…

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Intellectually Challenged

Colorful descriptions for the intellectually challenged: A few fries short of a happy meal. The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead. Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel. Fell out of the stupid tree and hit all of the branches on the way down. A few clowns short of a circus. A few beers short of a six-pack. A few peas short of a pod. Doesn’t have all his corn flakes in…

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Billy the Clint

Billy The Clint. Remake of and inspired by one of the previous JOWs called “Billy the Kid” Young Billy wanted to be the best, quickest lover in the World, and when he spotted Casanova having a beer in a bar, he asked if he could have a word with him. “Sure, son, what’s on your mind?” asks Giacomo, looking up at the young man. “Sir, I want to be the best and quickest lover there is, and I’d be in…

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Better Listen to your Kids

True Story. When Courtney was 2 1/2, her dad took her with him to Sears. Dad was busy talking with a salesman about a new hot water heater. Of course, he was paying more attention to the salesman than to his daughter, who kept interrupting him. “Just a minute, Courtney, he told her.” Suddenly, Dad heard a toilet lid close, and it dawned on him just what Courtney had been saying! He quickly ended his conversation with the salesman before…

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Acme Computerized Crystal Ball

A representative of the Acme Company was making a product presentation of the Acme Computerized Crystal Ball to an executive of a top marketing firm. The Acme representative was bragging that the Acme Computerized Crystal Ball could answer any questions about a person’s past, present and even future. Such claims, however, made the marketing executive very skeptical. Seeing the bored expression of the skeptical marketing executive, the Acme representative then requested the executive to try the Acme Computerized Crystal Ball.…

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Seven Year Binge

The Smiths were dining out when his wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. “Honey,” she said, as she pointed the guy out, “that guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago.” Her husband said, “That’s silly. No one celebrates THAT much!”

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Bushisms, pt 1

“I don’t want nations feeling like that they can bully ourselves and our allies. I want to have a ballistic defense system so that we can make the world more peaceful, and at the same time I want to reduce our own nuclear capacities to the level commiserate with keeping the peace.” ?Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 23, 2000 “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.”?LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000 “If I’m the president, we’re going to…

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Driver Thinks Fast

A cardiologist came up with a new operating procedure that would cut down the time that heart surgery would take and would cause less trauma to the patient. He was praised by his peers when he presented it at a convention in Washington D.C. He was also paid $50,000 to present his find. He did a couple more of these presentations and realized that it would be more lucrative to do lectures on his find than to work as a…

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Bear in a Bar

This is a bit of a tongue twister… A bear walks into a bar in Boise Idaho. “Bartender, give me a beer!” To which the bartender replies, “I don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Boise Idaho”. The bear repeats himself, “Bartender, give me a beer!!!” “I’m sorry,” repeats the bartender, “but I don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Boise Idaho”. The bear is becoming upset by this time. “Look,” he says “if you don’t serve me…

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The things you do for love…

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to senses, he motioned for her to come near him. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my…

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