Tennis Jokes

Tennis Ball

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball. Seeing no one around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. “What’s that ?” she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust. “Tennis ball,” came the breathless reply. “Oh,” said…

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Tennis Presciption

A manager has to take up some sport, his doctor said, so he decided to play tennis. After a couple of weeks, his secretary asks him how he’s doing. “It’s going fine,” the manager says. “When I’m on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me, my brain immediately says, “TO THE CORNER! BACKHAND! TO THE NET! SMASH! GO BACK! “Really? What happens then?” the girl asks, enthusiastically. “Then my body says, ‘Who, ME? Don’t talk nonsense!’”

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The Creation of Dog

On the first day of creation, God created the dog. On the second day, God created man to serve the dog. On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) toserve as potential food for the dog. On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the dog. On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve…

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Everybody Does It!

ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures. ACTORS do it on cue. ADVERTISERS use the “new, improved” method. AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker. ARCHAEOLOGISTS like it old. ARCHITECTS have great plans. ARTISTS are exhibitionists. ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over. ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus. ATTORNEYS make better motions. AUDITORS like to examine figures. BABYSITTERS charge by the hour. BAILIFFS always come to order. BAKERS knead it daily. BAND MEMBERS play all night. BANKERS do it with interest – penalty for…

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THE BRA

A couple of old fraternity brothers, Skip and Chip, now in their 40’s, would meet after work every week at their country club for a tennis game while their wives, Babs and Poopsy, played golf. On this particular day, the boys were in the locker room changing out of their business suits into their tennis clothes when Skip removed his shirt. Chip noticed that Skip was wearing a brassiere. “Ahhh, Skip”, said Chip, “if you tell me it’s none of…

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Just Like Dave Bronson – A Perfect Guy

A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Dave.” “Who?” “Dave Bronson. There’s a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Dave.” “There are always a few clouds over everybody.” “Not Dave. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro…

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Wal-mart Dianogstic Computer

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe say’s to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.” “Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money.” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars…a lot cheaper than a doctor.” So Joe…

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America’s Recreational Preferences

After a two year study, the National Science Foundation has announced the following results on America’s recreational preferences: 1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is basketball. 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. 3. The sport of choice for blue-collar line workers is football. 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. 5. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. 6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is…

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Wal-mart Dianogstic Computer

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe say’s to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.” “Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money.” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars…a lot cheaper than a doctor.” So Joe…

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