Sid Jokes

Iran’s President: Tehran’s Thirsty, Sinking, So We’re Just Going to Move the Entire Capital

Iran’s President: Tehran’s Thirsty, Sinking, So We’re Just Going to Move the Entire Capital! Apparently, when your bustling city of 10 million people starts guzzling a quarter of the nation’s water and literally sinking into the ground, there’s only one logical conclusion: pack up the capital and find a new spot! ? President Masoud Pezeshkian claims Iran has ‘no choice’ but to relocate Tehran to the south, citing an epic trifecta of over-expansion, water scarcity, and ground subsidence as the…

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Read JokeIran’s President: Tehran’s Thirsty, Sinking, So We’re Just Going to Move the Entire Capital

Celebrity Fighter Discovers Presidential Race Involves, Shockingly, ‘Rules’ and ‘Paperwork’

Well, who saw this coming? ? After vowing to curb immigration and ‘shore up Irish culture,’ a famous mixed martial arts fighter has officially pulled out of Ireland’s presidential race. Apparently, the world of politics isn’t quite like the octagon. The fighter complained that the nomination rules were a ‘straitjacket,’ preventing a ‘true democratic contest.’ It seems the rigorous process of, you know, running a country, was a bit too much for someone who prefers headlocks to legislative loopholes. He…

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Read JokeCelebrity Fighter Discovers Presidential Race Involves, Shockingly, ‘Rules’ and ‘Paperwork’

Bingo! Tyneside Hall Swaps Number Calls for Bass Drops as It Becomes Unexpected Rave Hotspot

Bingo! Tyneside Hall Swaps Number Calls for Bass Drops as It Becomes Unexpected Rave Hotspot. Who knew that the pursuit of “full house” could evolve into an entirely different kind of pursuit involving flashing lights and thumping bass? ? In a plot twist no one saw coming, the King Street Social Club in North Shields, once a bastion of hushed numbers and dabbers, has undergone a radical transformation. Forget your grandma’s weekly outing; it’s now a bonafide mecca for ravers!…

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Green Side Up

One day there was a lady who wanted to have her wallpaper put up. She didn’t feel like learning how, so she hired a contractor. The contractor came out for the estimate, and she told him that she wanted red in the living room. The man wrote it down and yelled out of an open window “GREEN SIDE UP!”. The lady was a bit shocked, needless to say. She thought the man was a little peculiar. The dining room was…

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Wrong Side

A big, nasty biker walked into a bar and shouldered his way into the middle of the bar. After ordering a beer, he yelled in a loud voice, “Everyone on this side of the room is a stupid ass.” No-one moved. After taking another drink, he again yelled, “Everyone on that side of the room is a damn queer.” Still no-one moved. Suddenly, he noticed a frail looking guy sneaking across the back of the room, and yelled, “Where the…

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Presidential Call Girl

President Bush was looking for a call girl and he found three such ladies in a local bar: a blonde, a redhead and a brunette. To the blonde, he said, “I am the President of the United States of America. How much will it cost me to spend some time with you?” The blonde replied, “For you, Mr. President, it will cost $500.00.” To the redhead he asked the same question. She replied, “I will spend all the time you…

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The Pope & The President

The Pope and President Clinton just happened to die on the same day. Now obviously the Pope was to go to heaven and Clinton was supposed to go to hell. Somehow this gets crossed up. God and Satan realized their error and Satan sent the Pope up and God sent Clinton down. They just happened to meet in the middle, so they stopped to chit-chat for a minute. Clinton asked the pope,”What had you hoped to do when you got…

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Everybody’s Free (To Embrace the Dark Side of the Force)

This appeared in a local Sunday magazine recently. For those unfamiliar with the Star Wars saga, James Earl Jones was the voice of that great villain Darth Vader. But those Star Wars fans will surely appreciate this fanciful article : Supposedly James Earl Jones is Vassar College’s Commencement speaker for this year. Oddly, this event coincides with the release of the much awaited “Phantom Menace” and the unexpected popularity of Baz Luhrmann’s “Sunscreen Song” (which, if you haven’t had your…

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Upside Down Bumper Sticker

I gave my friend who is a blonde a bumper sticker that read, “There is no such thing as a dumb blonde!” A few hours after leaving her house, she called me and asked if I had another bumper sticker. I told her no, but asked why she needed another one. She explained to me that she was going to put the bumper sticker upside down as a joke, but instead she accidentally put it right side up. I guess…

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Consider it Blessed

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them. A few minutes later, the Rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn’t need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was…

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