Making love Jokes

Men’s Hopes and Fears During Love Making

Stage 1: Kissing/Light Petting What he hopes you’re thinking: “Oh, I can’t resist: I’m powerless before your seductive ways!” What he’s afraid you’re thinking: “Garlic breath–ewwww!” Stage 2: Undressing What he hopes you’re thinking: “My God, look at the size of that!” What he’s afraid you’re thinking: “My God, look at the size of that!” Stage 3: Foreplay/Oral Sex What he hopes you’re thinking: “I could worship at the altar of your impressive manhood for hours.” What he’s afraid you’re…

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Read JokeMen’s Hopes and Fears During Love Making

French Lover

The young blonde American girl, on her very first trip to Paris, decided to test the French male’s fabled expertise in the art of love-making. On her first date, she asked him what exactly he intended to do with her. “First,” he replied, “I weel remove ze dress. Zen, I will carry you to ze bed. And zen,” he added triumphantly, “I will kiss ze navel.” “Big deal!!!” the blonde said. “I’ve had my navel kissed hundreds of times before.”…

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Read JokeFrench Lover

Love Hurts!

A young couple were making passionate love in the guy’s van (you know, shag carpets, big double mattress in the back…all that) when suddenly the girl, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out “Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!” The guy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off and proceeds to whip the girl…

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Read JokeLove Hurts!

Eight-year-olds Define Love

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis, too. That’s love.” “When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.” “Love is when a girl puts on perfume, and a boy puts on shaving cologne, and they go out and smell each other.” “Love is…

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Read JokeEight-year-olds Define Love

Get the Hell Out!

I dreamed that Bill Gates and I both died on the same day, and we went to hell. I felt that there must have been some kind of mistake, so I went to talk to Satan and asked if there was any way to get out of hell. Satan said, “Well there is one way…you have to find the ugliest, nastiest looking woman in hell and make mad passionate love to her, and then you might be able to get…

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Read JokeGet the Hell Out!

Who’s Zooming Who?

While playing poker with his buddies at the home of his friend Eddie one Sunday evening, Dan happened to drop a dollar bill to the floor. As he bent down to pick up the dollar bill under the poker table, he happened to look directly at the shapely legs of Eddie’s wife, Mona, who was seated on a chair near the poker table. Sensing that Dan was staring at her legs, Mona slyly parted her legs revealing that she was…

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dirty laundry

There’s this couple that call making love “doing laundry”. One morning the husband tried despartly to wake his wife to do some laundry. She replyed by saying “honey, I am so tired let me sleep just a little while longer and than we can do laundry”. A short time later she wakes up and turns to her husband, she see’s him lying there naked. Oh Honey she said, I see that your ready to do the laundry…He looked at her…

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Identical Twins

Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce. “OK,” the judge said, “Tell the court why you want a divorce.” “Well, your honor,” Dan started, “Every once in a while my sister-in-law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are so identical looking, every once in a while I`d end up making love to her by mistake.” “Surely there must…

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Open for interpretation

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called in an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer’s mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return I expect to see it completed.” Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the…

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You know you’ve been online too long when…

Tech Support calls “YOU” for help. When you are reading something printed, you wish you could use a search function to get to the point. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say “LOL.” When you reply to someone verbally, your fingers start typing your response. You check your e-mail over and over, even when you know there’s nothing there. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on. You have called out someone’s screen name while making…

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Read JokeYou know you’ve been online too long when…