Madam madam Jokes

Pardon Me!

A flat-chested blonde wanted to have her breasts enlarged but she did not want to undergo surgery. So she consulted a witch doctor who gave her a pill to swallow. After swallowing the pill, the blonde was told by the witch doctor that what she had swallowed was a magic pill. Everytime a man would say the word ‘pardon’ to her, her breasts would grow an inch bigger. After leaving the office of the witch doctor, the blonde bumped into…

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Rent a room

In the winter of 1926, Thelma Goldstein from Chicago treated herself to her first real vacation in Florida. Being unfamiliar with the area, she wandered into a restricted hotel in North Miami. “Excuse me,” she said to the manager. “My name is Mrs. Goldstein, and I’d like a small room for two weeks.” “I’m awfully sorry,” he replied, “but all of our rooms are occupied.” Just as he said that, a man came down and checked out. “What luck,” said…

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Goodbye, Charlie

When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the American Ambassador to France threw a gala dinner party at the Embassy in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador’s wife was chatting with Madame deGaulle. “Madame,” she began, “Your husband has been such a prominent figure in the world for so long, first as a great General, then as President of the Republic, now as a statesman, what are you most looking forward to in your retirement years?”…

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Do you have a BC?

The story is told of a lady who was rather old fashioned, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language. She and her husband were planning a weeks vacation to Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground asking for a reservation. She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn’t quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn’t bring herself to write the word “toilet” in her letter. After much deliberation,…

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The Broken Watch

A tourist in a strange town notices that her watch is broken. She starts looking for a repair shop. After a long and frustrating search she finds herself in an area where many shop signs are in Hebrew. Finally, she notices that one of the stores has all kinds of clocks and watches ticking merrily in the window. She walks into the shop and puts her watch on the counter in front of the proprietor. “Would you please repair this…

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Long-Time Rivals

Style and fashion intrude into all walks of our lives. Two fellows, who had been rivals all their lives, followed different career paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, and the other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop. As fate would have it, they happened to meet at the airport. The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly, “OH, SKYCAP, FROM WHAT PIER IS THE FLIGHT TO DALLAS LEAVING?” The Admiral approached, bowed, and…

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A Desperate Plea For Help

A big, burly man visited the pastor’s home and asked to see the minister’s wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses. “Madam,” he said in a broken voice, “I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent,…

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Baby Pictures

Baby Photographer The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon.” Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning madam. You don’t know me but I’ve come to….” “Oh, no need to explain. I’ve been expecting…

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