Fox Jokes

Fox hunts are still very popular in England. Once, by mistake, a female dog, in heat, was placed in the pack. An observer asked, “How’s it going? An official replied, “Well, I can’t tell for sure yet, but I think the fox is running about fifth.”

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Schwartzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn’t have one, The Pope has one but doesn’t use it, Clinton uses his all the time, Mickey Mouse has an unusual one, George Burns’ was hot, Liberace never used his on women, Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his, We never saw Lucy use Desi’s What is it? A: A LAST NAME!

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Three Italian mothers were attending a football game. Each had a son playing on the same team. At the start of the game, the first boy saw his opportunity, grabbed the ball and running quickly, out-foxed the opposing team, making the first touchdown. His mother, obviously proud of her son, sprang from the bleachers, shouting in her broken Italian accent, “Thatsa *my* boy! I raised him onna de Pet milk. Ain’t he-a Peach?” Soon, the second boy received the ball…

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1. If the enemy is in range, so are you. 2. Incoming fire has the right of way. 3. Don’t look conspicuous, it draws fire. ( For this reason aircraft carriers have been called “Bomb Magnets.”) 4. There is always a way. 5. The easy way is always mined. 6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. (Trivia devotees will recall the sudden disappearance of rank and distinctive caps on the uniforms worn by Soviet officers in…

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Rejected Dr. Suess Books- 1. One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, Blue Bitch 2. Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert 3. Fox in Detox 4. Who Shat in the Hat? 5. Horton Hires a Ho 6. The Flesh Eating Lorax 7. How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day 8. Your Colon Can Moo—Can You? 9. Zippy the Rabid Gerbil 10. The Cat in the Blender 11. Marvin K. Mooney, Get the Fuck Out! 12. Are You My Proctologist? 13. Yentl the Lentil…

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A wounded Marine limps into the bar and tells the bartender, “Give me a gin & tonic, a scotch & soda, a rum & coke and a Heineken.” The bartender looks a bit puzzled but, nonetheless, serves him his order. The Marine downs all four drinks, pays his tab and leaves. This goes on for a full week when the Marine enters again and orders up the usual. The bartender finally speaks up and says, “My God, man, I’ve seen…

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