Avail Jokes - page 3

Things we have in Egypt that the rest of the world doesn’t..

Things we have in Egypt that the rest of the world doesn’t: 1- McDonald’s home delivery (the rest of the world have to get off their lazy butts and go get it). 2-Mollokhya (for some reason our tasty national green slime has not caught on elsewhere). 3- Relaxed driving regulations (apparently, the rest of the world drives around in straight lines, how bizarre!). 4- No drunk-driving laws (well, no breath-analyzers anyway). 5- Magical economics (250 people in a 40 seater…

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Shower Power

How To Shower Like A Woman: 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so you can complain and whine even more about how you’re getting fat. 4. Get in the shower.…

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Pigs

A pig farmer had about 9 sows he needed to get bred. He called around the area to only find out the only available breeder was two counties over. So he loaded up the pigs in a truck and headed out. When he got to the breeder, as he was unloading the pigs, the man ask what it would cost. The man replied, “It’ll be $100.00 a sow”. The man says, “That’s outrageous, I don’t have that kind of money”.…

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Cards you WON’T find at your Hallmark Store

Not likely to find these cards at your local Hallmark store…. “Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.” “How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?” “I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I’ve changed my mind.” “I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you.” “Looking back over the years that we’ve been…

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Firewater? Tea?

The missionaries were doing their best to convert the local Indians, and to stop their consumption of liquor but to no avail. Finally they introduced them to tea. Iced tea, hot tea, etc. The Indians loved it! They drank it every morning, every afternoon, evenings. It was great! Soon tho, it seemed to get out of hand. All this tea drinking, all the time… even at their parties and pow-wows. One pow-wow in particular it seemed they must’ve overdone it.…

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Young vs. Old

The old gent was backing his Rolls into the last available parking space when a zippy red sports car whipped in behind him to take the spot. The young driver jumped out and said, “Sorry, Pops, but you’ve got be young and smart to do that!” The old man ignored the remark and kept reversing until the Rolls had crunched the sports car into a crumpled heap. “Sorry, Son, you’ve got be old and rich to do THAT!”

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Breast Milk Advantages

A question had appeared in a students’ medical examination which read: “List four benefits of breast milk.” A student began to answer the question: 1. No need to bottle it. 2. Cats can’t steal it. 3. Available whenever necessary. But the fourth point eluded him. When there were barely a couple of minutes before the exam ended, the fourth point flashed to his mind. So he completed the answer by writing: 4. Available in attractive containers.

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Human Nature Laws of Behavior

“The Law of Avoiding Oversell” When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse. “The Law of Common Sense” Never accept a drink from a urologist. “The Law of Reality” Never get into fights with ugly people; they have nothing to lose. “The Law of Motivation” Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster. “Boob’s Law” You always find something in the last place you look. “Law of Impossibility” Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have…

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MSDS Sheet

MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET WOMAN: A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS ELEMENT: Woman SYMBOL: WO (Varies HO depending on which periodic table is used) DISCOVERER: Adam ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 53.6kg but known to vary from 40-200kg. OCCURRENCES: Migrates in clusters. Copious quantities in all urban areas. PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: 1. Surface usually covered in painted film. 2. Boils at nothing, freezes without known reason. 3. Melts if given special treatment. 4. Bitter if incorrectly used. 5. Found in various states from virgin metal…

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Will Work for Food

Franchises Still Available! Yes!!! Make big $$$ (tax free) with your very own… “WILL WORK FOR FOOD” Franchise We supply the cardboard sign We supply the prime location We supply the thin clothing We supply fake Veteran card if needed We supply a special 90 minute instructional tape “How To Look Homeless” Say good-bye to that dead end job. Call today, operators are standing by, just dial, 1-800-RIP-UOFF!! Now until the end of the month, as a bonus, we will…

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